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Alarm clock crying at half past three,

Walls feel closer when it’s just me.

Mirror talks but I don’t reply,

I’m so good at living, just bad at why.

There’s a bottle shaking in my hand,

Little white promises I don’t understand.

They say this will help, this will heal,

But nothing they give me feels real.

Doctor says I’m doing “fine,”

But fine just means I’m still alive.

I nod my head, I fake the smile,

Counting seconds, not the miles.

So I take my pills and I lie awake,

Waiting for my heart to break or break its pace.

They numb the pain but not the ache,

I’m still drowning, I just float in place.

If this is getting better, tell me when it starts,

’Cause I take my pills but I still fall apart.

Friends say, “Call me if it’s bad,”

But it’s always bad, just dressed up sad.

I don’t wanna be a weight they carry,

So I swallow silence, chase what’s necessary.

Every thought’s a loaded gun,

Every night I come undone.

I’m tired of being “almost okay,”

Tired of praying I’ll feel a different way.

I read the label, line by line,

Side effects sound just like my mind.

May cause tears, may cause sleep,

May cause losing parts of me.

So I take my pills and I lie awake,

Waiting for my heart to break or break its pace.

They numb the pain but not the ache,

I’m still drowning, I just float in place.

If this is getting better, tell me when it starts,

’Cause I take my pills but I still fall apart.

I don’t wanna die, I just don’t wanna feel,

Every day’s a wound that won’t heal.

If hope’s a drug, I’m out of supply,

And faith tastes bitter when you try.

I’m scared one day I’ll miss a dose,

And find out who I am the most—

Is it me or chemistry

Holding what’s left of me?

So I take my pills like a daily prayer,

Hands shaking, hoping someone’s there.

I follow the rules, I do my part,

Still hear the echo in my heart.

If I’m still here, does that mean I’m strong?

Or just really good at holding on?

I take my pills…

But the nights are still too long.

Bottle’s empty, sun comes up,

Another day, I fake the tough.

If healing’s real, I’ll wait my turn—

Just tired of hurting while I learn.