Loyalty

I get in my head too deep when I’m thinking.

I can’t go to bed, I have nightmares frequently.

Issues with trust, sometimes I feel there’s no love, only lust, I used to burying it with drinking.

Drop a xan or two so I don’t feel my feelings.

Nothing I could do, I had problems with quitting.

When I say it’s you, it’s really me overthinking.

Mixing purple juice, I kinda miss lean sipping.

I have so much trouble with loyalty, it’s not you, it’s me who’s getting jealous way too easily.

I know I said that I don’t get jealous but without the drugs I’ve realized that I do, now I get nervous.

Way too cautious, over anxious, a little bit nauseous and exhausted.

Why so serious, am I oblivious or just delirious, mind racing like sonic.

Loyalty has been broken for me to many times.

I hope that doesn’t get in the way when I’m rebuilding my state of mind.

I think I just have problems with my self esteem.

Insecurities that make me boil, you can probably see the steam.

Beautiful flowers planted in soil but not as lovely as they seem.

I need someone who’s loyal that’s why it’s you that I seek, believe me.

Drop a xan or five so I don’t feel my feelings.

I need to stay alive but I had problems with quitting.

When I tell a lie, it’s really you that I’m hurting.

If I get too high, I’ll lose my mind and start dying.

I’m lying wide awake in the AM, afraid of sleeping.

Thinking about all my mistakes, in my head they’re seeping into my brain, that’s why I’m scared of dreaming.

I am the blame, my demons are the reason I have all this pain.

I can’t run away, no I can’t escape the feeling of being insane, too much emotions on my plate.

Too many thoughts in my way, too bad I can’t cry anyway.

So many words I cannot say, hard to describe how I’m feeling everyday.

I could go on and on about how fucked up I really am.

They’re right and I’m wrong, I’m not angry I just need a hand.

I had perks in my palm, I crushed them into grains of sand.

I’m not a stupid boy, I’ve just become a complete idiot of a man.

Drop a xan or ten so I don’t feel my feelings.

That I don’t recommend, I ended up flatlining.

I have a lot of amends, some knew I was lying.

This is the end, I hope now you are smiling because I’ll never die like that again.