Always searching for a Lover

Always searching for a lover, out here thinking you’re the one. Every time I let my guard down, is when you’re the one behind the gun. You say you won’t shoot but when I turn it plays on loop, my mind is going crazy and it’s all because of you. They say practice makes perfect, but perfect isn’t me. Every time I see you smile, I want even more of you, please. You told me I was worth it, but the next day I wasn’t shit. Make up your mind and just choose me one time. Out in public you ignore me, but behind closed doors you adore me, at the end of the day you just want to get laid (at the end of the day you only call me up when you get horny). And that right there is why I feel this pain. Shame, it all fills my brain. Who gave you the right to make me feel this way? You’re just a young boy who’s trying to find his way, who’s been through shit, so I help take it away. But no means no, or at least I thought so? Maybe not for you but that leaves no excuse, so why do I still let you do what you do? It started when I was 5, and I believed every lie. I blame myself everyday for not staying away, but I kept my mouth shut and let you do your thing. Part of me wants to hate you, but the rest of me craved you. I needed your approval, I needed your time, but all I got left with was the back of your mind.