First Time at the No-Tell Motel

We met in church, pew number five

You said “Praise the Lord,” I said “You drive?”

Ten minutes later in your beat-up Ford

You were speakin’ in tongues on a gravel road

You said “Boy be gentle, it’s my first time”

I said “Same here darlin’, ‘less you count my mind”

Pulled up to a place with a half-burnt sign

Said “Weekly rates” and “Jesus Saves” on the same old line

First time at the no-tell motel

Bible in the drawer, country on the hotel channel

Headboard knockin’ out a little doorbell

Neighbors probably think we wrastlin’ cattle

Boots on, clothes half-off, blinds won’t shut that well

Yeah we’re raisin’ up a whole ‘nother kind of hell

First time at the no-tell motel

And Lord, we learned our lessons real well (oh yeah)

You kicked off your boots, I lost my belt

We both laughed so hard at how awkward it felt

You said “I watched videos to see what to do”

I said “Me too, but they sure lied to you”

Got stuck in my jeans, you snorted and wheezed

Pulled the quilt down, found three mystery keys

Mini-fridge humming like it heard the news

That two shy kids were gonna ruin this room

First time at the no-tell motel

Bible in the drawer, country on the hotel channel

Headboard knockin’ out a little doorbell

Neighbors probably think we wrastlin’ cattle

Boots on, clothes half-off, blinds won’t shut that well

Yeah we’re raisin’ up a whole ‘nother kind of hell

First time at the no-tell motel

And Lord, we learned our lessons real well (hey!)

We ain’t slick, but we sure got closer

Spilled that cheap red wine on the floral sofa

You said “Is it wrong?” I said “Feels right”

Then we broke that box spring twice that night (twice that night)

First time at the no-tell motel

Bible in the drawer, country on the hotel channel

Headboard knockin’ out a little doorbell

Neighbors probably think we wrastlin’ cattle

Boots on, clothes half-off, blinds won’t shut that well

Yeah we’re raisin’ up a whole ‘nother kind of hell

First time at the no-tell motel

Now every Friday, baby, we re-check in as “Smith & Bell”