First Time at the No-Tell Motel

[Verse 1]
We met in church, pew number five
You said “Praise the Lord,” I said “You drive?”
Ten minutes later in your beat-up Ford
You were speakin’ in tongues on a gravel road
You said “Boy be gentle, it’s my first time”
I said “Same here darlin’, ‘less you count my mind”
Pulled up to a place with a half-burnt sign
Said “Weekly rates” and “Jesus Saves” on the same old line
[Chorus]
First time at the no-tell motel
Bible in the drawer, country on the hotel channel
Headboard knockin’ out a little doorbell
Neighbors probably think we wrastlin’ cattle
Boots on, clothes half-off, blinds won’t shut that well
Yeah we’re raisin’ up a whole ‘nother kind of hell
First time at the no-tell motel
And Lord, we learned our lessons real well (oh yeah)
[Verse 2]
You kicked off your boots, I lost my belt
We both laughed so hard at how awkward it felt
You said “I watched videos to see what to do”
I said “Me too, but they sure lied to you”
Got stuck in my jeans, you snorted and wheezed
Pulled the quilt down, found three mystery keys
Mini-fridge humming like it heard the news
That two shy kids were gonna ruin this room
[Chorus]
First time at the no-tell motel
Bible in the drawer, country on the hotel channel
Headboard knockin’ out a little doorbell
Neighbors probably think we wrastlin’ cattle
Boots on, clothes half-off, blinds won’t shut that well
Yeah we’re raisin’ up a whole ‘nother kind of hell
First time at the no-tell motel
And Lord, we learned our lessons real well (hey!)
[Bridge]
We ain’t slick, but we sure got closer
Spilled that cheap red wine on the floral sofa
You said “Is it wrong?” I said “Feels right”
Then we broke that box spring twice that night (twice that night)
[Chorus]
First time at the no-tell motel
Bible in the drawer, country on the hotel channel
Headboard knockin’ out a little doorbell
Neighbors probably think we wrastlin’ cattle
Boots on, clothes half-off, blinds won’t shut that well
Yeah we’re raisin’ up a whole ‘nother kind of hell
First time at the no-tell motel
Now every Friday, baby, we re-check in as “Smith & Bell”

country, Rowdy modern country with a swingin’ backbeat, twangy Telecaster riffs, upright bass walking hard. Male vocals with a wink, tight harmonies on the hook, cheeky stop-start hits on punchlines. Fiddle fills answer the vocal; bridge strips to just acoustic and snare rim before a big, barroom-singalong final chorus.