My real

My life's been spent with money to buy friends,

and when it's gone, back to work to make ends.

Who are my real friends? Who can I trust?

I believe there might be one from the bunch.

My whole life has been long, but I'm still alone,

no real friends, not a single one.

Every time we hang out, then you're gone,

as soon as my gas runs out on my car.

It happens so often, I'm used to it.

I grew up knowing it, I don't care one bit.

That is a lesson I’ve been learning bit by bit,

always struggling to get.

What can I talk about that's interesting?

Everyone else hangs out, laughing and interacting.

I never see anyone hang out for free;

they just came along until the money was gone from me.

Since I had nothing interesting to talk about or to do,

I look up, and they've gone, too.

How do I become interesting? Do I lose weight? Do I dye my hair?

Do I get veneers, hoping to get them near?

I know I pick what I do with my money,

but I'll be with friends as long as I have my ends, honey.

Everyone I know has always shown,

no appreciation for what I can do.

Even the girls online I've met, who say they're my "boo,"

once the money ends, and I can't send, they disappear again, too.

Why do I keep doing this all the time?

I know I choose it, know I'll have the worst time.

As soon as the money is gone, I fight with my thoughts,

asking why everything is wrong.

Everything is wrong when I have no money,

but as soon as I get a little, it's time for fun, honey.

My whole life, I've spent it all before two days pass,

and no one realizes that inside, I'm dead, alas.

I complain about all the things money brings,

thinking of all I could’ve done, if not for these flings.

One in a hundred is the friend you might find,

but after a hundred, you're broke and drained, and blind.

How could I do this? I blew it. Now I deal with it.

All this stress makes me crazy, bit by bit.

Maybe I will change, Monday I'll get it,

but the day that happens is the day I've lost it.

I'll forget everyone's names, forget what I've done,

I won't feel horrible, because my mind's gone.

Maybe that's when I'm one hundred years old,

but that's a long time from now, I'm told.

For now, I'll keep learning and learning until I finally understand.