[Intro]
Dog, put the gun down
We are not doing this today
You still chase the mail truck
You are not built for crime, okay?
[Verse 1]
You got peanut butter breath
Plastic cone around your neck
You are wagging with a weapon
Like it’s time for a walk to the bank
Click-clack on the hardwood
Paws sliding like a cheap skate rink
Safety off, tail on high
You about to rob the kitchen sink
[Chorus]
Dog, put the gun down
You just want snacks, not a showdown
Drop it on the tile right now
Sit, stay, breathe, we can talk it out
Dog, put the gun down
You are not the boss of this town
You’re my best friend having a meltdown
Dog, put the gun down
[Verse 2]
You got biscuits in your eyebrows
Kibble crumbs in your file
Little bandit in a baby tee
Mugshot grin, crocodile
I see schemes in your big brown eyes
You’re planning out a treat heist
But that thing’s not a squeaky toy
It don’t go nice with rice
[Chorus]
[Bridge]
[whispered vocals] Okay, hear me out
We make a trade
You get the couch
I get to not become the headline today
[full voice] I’ll give you:
Three walks
Two bones
One whole rotisserie dream
You give:
That thing
Those teeth
And we call it a deleted scene (cut!)
[Chorus]
[Outro]
Dog, put the gun—[record scratch]
He dropped it for a cheese stick
Now he’s licking up the chaos
Like it never even happened, slick
I’m on the floor, heart racing
He just yawns, spins twice, lies down
Tiny snore, world’s reset
Good boy, put the gun down