As I listen to my library of AI produced beats and Arrangements of lyrics that I wrote down so freely I tried to continue and have fun but instead it fuckin defeats me...
Always talkin shit about me, talkin shit, overanalyzin shit about some bullshit fuckin shit...
this shit ain't tight the shit ain't lit, it's a constant barrage of bullshittery, wrapped up in the pattern of linguistic verbal history it's not a mystery that I can explain, if I overthink it, make sure to write it down so if I forget why I started to string this shit together I can still connect the fuckin pieces n not accidentally sync it...
The ship that I'm captain of ,the U.S.S. fuck, it by way of The Love Boat, the ship that floats barely keeping my head above water ,an anchor that weighs me down drowning my emotions in a wall of anger that threatens to sink me down.. down... down deep, in the deep end of a pool of misguided untrustworthy ideas n Fantasies that bounce around in my empty head...
Now I know I'm not genius or have a 15inch penis and I'm a dickhead looking from Mars to Venus, it's dark and cold out in space and I can't find a friendly face, from the spot or the place that interests me... sustaining, here waiting and contemplating where I got to go, or what to say ,to whoever I think is the right girl for me, I mean woman, oops! excuse me wouldn't want to confuse the woke women who for some reason think of me to be a plague on they're existence,
While I hold my resistance in any or all instance, they giv alot of push back by persisting to ride me like a criminal, abuse is not somethin im used to receiving, being judged by seemingly so many but very few believing I wouldn't hurt nobody, that's not who I am but to express anger at this concept will have them believing again, after having to convince,yes convince not explain or speak my case without it jumpin to sexism racism or setting the pace for anger to speak up bitchin and lecturin n not once apologizing for shit that it made up or fabricated, it was just a thought jokingly in my head...
Now all I see is a future that I'm not sure is a good one I haven't worked in so long I can't even convince myself I'll be able to make it the way that I did when I was succeeding and feeling happy convincing myself that I did right but in truth it was a misfire of Epic Proportions a life like social abortion where rent wasn't paid I was single and alone sat on my ass playing video games ,no one called me on the phone, I barely left my apartment groceries delivered to my door while staring at unfinished spaces on my kitchen floor, never anyone visiting and although they hadn't before nothing could prepare me for what I had in store....
All I want is for me to have peace and some free time alone to spend with my dog, no voices no complaining no feelings of letting myself doubt overwhelm me to a point that when I go out sound is just sound no more rumbling underground ,of smells that make me feel that nobody will come by.
