NOISE

(whispered)
Room so quiet it screams…
I’m still here…
I think…

I don’t feel love, I just feel pain
(feel pain…)
Heart beat slow, still feels the same
You said forever, then you changed
Now I’m half numb, half fucking enraged

I lay in the dark like it knows my name
Walls lean in when I breathe in shame
I don’t wanna die, I just wanna pause
All this pressure in my chest won’t fall

I loved you clean, you left a stain
Now every thought feel serrated
I don’t hurt nobody, I implode instead
Every fight I lose is in my head

Mind racing, time wasting, self-hate escalating
Meditating on regrets, every second suffocating
I don’t need blades, I got phrases in my brain
Carving me daily with the shit that it’s saying
Playback mistakes like a sick little ritual
Running from thoughts but they quicker, habitual
Smile for the world while my focus is brittle
If I snap, it’s internal, invisible

(breath, silence)
…fuck

I don’t feel safe in my head
I don’t feel dead, just bent
No blood, no bodies, just dread
I tear myself down to pretend

Thoughts talk slick, can’t mute ‘em, persistent
Self-directed rage, yeah, I aim it consistent
No outward damage, it’s all self-inflicted
Quiet mouth but my mind stays vicious

(whisper)
Still breathing