Never Existed

I’m still trying to feel real again

Trying to find the girl I was back then

You came like a movie scene

Said all the words I wanted to believe

Kissing your lies, thought they were true

Thought this time, maybe you’d come through

I kept defending your empty acts

Twisting myself just to make you last

Wish I could hate you, but it’s in the past

It was all pretend

The man I loved never even existed

I held on tight to someone I invented

Fell for the mask, ignored all the damage

Thought I could fix you, but I couldn’t manage

Now I’m standing here trying to feel worth it

Picking up pieces you told me were worthless

And it hurts…

But the man I loved never even existed

You changed the rules just to watch me fall

Made me the villain when you played it all

Called me dramatic when you crossed the line

Funny how you broke me, played with my mind

I lost myself just to keep you calm

Silenced my voice to avoid the harm

But I’m waking up, I see it clear

You never wanted love, you just wanted me near

It was all pretend

The man I loved never even existed

I held on tight to someone I invented

Fell for the mask, ignored all the damage

Thought I could save you, but I couldn’t manage

Now I’m standing here trying to feel worth it

Picking up pieces you called insignificant

And it’s tragic…

But the man I loved never even existed

Don’t need closure, don’t need your apology

I don’t need answers, don’t need what you did to me

I just need silence, I need to breathe

Losing you was how I found me

The man I loved never even existed

And I’m done shrinking, I’ve resisted

You don’t get to write my ending like you lived it

I’m taking it back, I’m not persisted

Learning to choose myself with no permission

That broken woman is finally in remission

And it’s freeing…

To know you never existed

I’m finding myself again