Don’t Let me Ruin This

I ain’t scared of love… I’m scared of me

What I turn into when it gets deep

All the damage I don’t speak

Starts comin’ out eventually

I been through hell, I don’t hide that truth

But pain don’t just disappear, it moves

And I don’t wanna put that on you

Like they did to me… like I went through

You feel like somethin’ I could trust

But that’s exactly what messes me up

I want this… more than I should admit

But I’m scared my past gon’ mess this up quick

All these scars I never dealt with

Might bleed on you and you don’t deserve it

Yeah you feel good… like peace, like light

But I got darkness I still fight

I don’t wanna turn love into a war

And lose you like I did before

You see the version I try to be

Not the one that overthinks everything

Not the one that pulls away

The second it feels like you might stay

I hate that I question what feels so real

Turn somethin’ pure into somethin’ I fear

And I don’t wanna make you pay

For mistakes that weren’t even yours to take

You’re not them… I can see that clear

But my past still whispers in my ear

I want this… more than I should admit

But I’m scared my past gon’ mess this up quick

All these scars I never dealt with

Might bleed on you and you don’t deserve it

Yeah you feel good… like peace, like light

But I got darkness I still fight

I don’t wanna turn love into a war

And lose you like I did before

If I let you in… will I push you out?

When it gets too real, when the fear gets loud

I don’t wanna sabotage somethin’ true

Just ‘cause I don’t know what to do

I’m tryin’ to heal… while I hold your hand

But I don’t know if I’m ready yet

And that’s the part that tears me up

‘Cause you might be right… and I might mess it up

You deserve better than my defense

Better than distance, better than tense

And I swear I’m tryin’… I really am

Just don’t know if I can

I want this… I ain’t runnin’ away

But I’m scared of the man I might be one day

If I let all this pain lead the way

I might lose you before you even stay

Yeah you feel good… and that’s what scares me most

‘Cause every good thing I held turned ghost

I don’t wanna be the reason it ends

So I’m fightin’ myself… just to let you in

I want you… that’s the truth

I’m just scared of what I might do