[Intro]
*distorted acoustic guitar, someone coughing*
### **[Verse 1]**
**[male]:**
I'm starting to think those James Franco videos are fake
Not because the man can't act
But because I spent forty-five minutes watching Dylan Sprouse
play a meth-addicted teenager in The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things
and I haven't been the same since
That's not a performance, that's a crime scene report
with a soundtrack
**[female]:**
You think that's bad?
I watched Banana Split and realized
Dylan Sprouse wrote a movie about a kid
who gets a job at a pizza place
just to spy on his ex-girlfriend
and I thought, "this is either genius
or the most expensive therapy session ever funded"
### **[Verse 2]**
**[male]:**
Big Daddy. 1999. He was a toddler.
He taught Adam Sandler how to be a father.
That's the most fiction a film has ever produced.
And nobody talks about it.
We just moved on.
We let it happen.
**[female]:**
And then he grew up
and someone said
"Let's put him in After We Collided"
and a producer somewhere
punched a wall and screamed "YES"
and I watched him play Trevor
like a man who lost a bet
and I thought
this is what Greek tragedy looks like
in a world without gods
### **[Chorus]**
**[male]:** I'm starting to think those James Franco videos are fake
**[female]:** Because if Franco can teach a class about himself
**[male]:** Then Dylan Sprouse can star in Beautiful Disaster
**[female]:** And we can all pretend
**[male]:** That Travis Maddox is a character
**[female]:** And not just a man with abs
**[male]:** Reading lines off a cue card
**[female]:** Held by a PA who's crying.
### **[Verse 3]**
**[male]:**
The Curse of Turandot.
Nobody saw it. That's not a joke.
It made eleven dollars.
I know because I was one of the eleven.
And I want my eleven dollars back.
Not because it was bad
But because it was a Chinese-Italian co-production
about a princess who executes her suitors
starring Dylan Sprouse
and I think about it every day.
**[female]:**
Tyger Tyger.
He plays a pharmacist who robs a bank.
I don't have a joke for that.
I just think you should know it exists.
Like a tumor you find
on a Tuesday afternoon
and you just live with it.
### **[Outro]**
**[male]:** So yeah, the Franco videos are fake.
**[female]:** Not because they're deepfakes.
**[male]:** But because reality already broke
**[female]:** When a Sprouse twin
**[male]:** Played a underground fighter
**[female]:** In a movie called Beautiful Disaster
**[male]:** And it wasn't a comedy.
**[female]:** And nobody laughed.
**[male]:** And we all just went to bed.
**[female]:** And the algorithm kept playing.
**[male]:** And the algorithm kept playing.
**[female]:** And the algorithm kept playing.
extra_unbearable
