Stole my soul

I don't lose people I engineer the loss

Not all at once.

Not loud enough to be obvious.

But slowly... deliberately... in ways I can still deny.

I create tension

just to see if they'll fight for it.

I become unpredictable just to see if they'll tolerate it.

I get colder.

Quieter.

More distant.

I build walls and then resent them for not climbing over them.

there are moments

where none of it feels necessary.

Moments where I feel calm.

Where I'm not scanning for exits, not bracing for impact, not preparing for loss.

I'm not just afraid of being abandoned.

I'm afraid of what happens if someone actually stays.

I guess you could say I'm having trouble I don't understand my life these days

Everywhere I'm looking around me

It's hard for thoughts not to go a stray.

'Cause I swear somebody stole my soul

And left me with this body

I don't know how to live in.

I wish I could go back to the day I met you and just walk away. BENEATH THE MASK AND BEYONDTHE SHADOWS,

I BURIED WHO I WAS

SO I COULD BECOME

WHO I HAD to be.

Loneliness was easier before it had proof that someone could have stayed.

I would rather stand alone in truth than bend what I believe into a shape I do not recognize.

You hurt people and you forget their names

But when you put your hands on me I get a twisted little smile on my face

Because now you're playing on my field.

I'm sorry that I'm not sorry.

I had been a prisoner in my own mind.

But these fuckers are corrupt to the core and don't give a damn,

as long as they don't get caught.

But evil is a completely different creature,

Evil is bad that believes it's good.

there are moments

where none of it feels necessary.

Moments where I feel calm.

Where I'm not scanning for exits, not bracing for impact, not preparing for loss.

I'm not just afraid of being abandoned.

I'm afraid of what happens if someone actually stays.

I guess you could say I'm having trouble I don't understand my life these days

Everywhere I'm looking around me

It's hard for thoughts not to go a stray.

'Cause I swear somebody stole my soul

And left me with this body

I don't know how to live in.

I wish I could go back to the day I met you and just walk away. BENEATH THE MASK AND BEYONDTHE SHADOWS,

I BURIED WHO I WAS

SO I COULD BECOME

WHO I HAD to be.

The best thing about already having been to rock bottom is that we can only go up.

But some days, up is a mountain without a path.

A river without a boat.

A tunnel without a single light.

Up isn't the place that we finally reach but all of the tiny, little steps that defy staying exactly where we already are.

I guess you could say I'm having trouble I don't understand my life these days

Everywhere I'm looking around me

It's hard for thoughts not to go a stray.

'Cause I swear somebody stole my soul

And left me with this body

I don't know how to live in.