🎧 [Intro – dice roll sfx + seductive elven giggles + lo-fi tavern ambiance]
📜 “Even the Unholy One needs a break…”
So he wandered into the last tavern before extinction,
Where thicc rebel elves played a game of dice and depravity…
But fate didn’t come to play.
And the Unholy One? He came twice.
🎤 Unholy One voice (whisper-growl):
“Roll for initiative, baby... or roll over.”
---
🎤 [Verse 1 – dirty dice rap]
Thicc elf mamas at the tabletop,
Booties bouncin’ like a critical drop.
One got jiggle, one got sass,
Another got bard stats stacked in ass.
They said, “We’ll seduce the boss, we playin’ smart!”
Then the cleric cast ‘Bless That Fart’.
I leaned in like, “You sure you wanna try me?”
Rolled a 1 — now she moans in high E.
🎲 DM said, “Save vs. thrust.”
But every dice hit max on lust.
This ain't a campaign — it’s a clap-paign,
And every move’s got cheeks in pain.
---
🎤 [Chorus – dirty elf chant + bard beat drop]
🎵 ROLL A 69 — CHAOTIC NICE!
Booty jiggled and it broke the dice.
Castin’ spells with both them cheeks,
They summoned thirst for seven weeks!
🎵 ROLL A 69 — NATURAL THICC!
But they failed their save when I whipped out d—
📜 [Cutoff FX: scroll crumples]
Okay okay, let’s say: "The cursed stick.”
Now the bard’s unconscious from just one lick.
---
🎤 [Verse 2 – Unholy One lays waste]
Elf queen tried a charisma play,
Said “I seduce the Unholy and save the day!”
I said, “Cool. Roll your fate.”
She rolled a 20 — then rolled her waist. 😈
I slammed the table, set the scene,
“Y’all in the dungeon… full of cream.”
They failed perception, I passed stealth,
And snuck up behind with forbidden wealth.
📜 “Your AC? It's ass cheeks.”
My sneak attack? Between the cheeks.
They tried to disarm me, cute attempt,
But I had plot armor — and a consent stamp.
---
🎤 [Bridge – bardic rap interlude, fast flow]
🧝 “The rogue got clapped in initiative order,
The wizard wet from my eldritch mortar.
Thigh saves failed, HP dropped,
The DM winked — and the whole squad popped.”
Dice hit floor, the table broke,
One elf choked on a mimic cloak.
The tavern shook, the screen went black —
When we respawned, cheeks got clapped. 💥
---
🎤 [Final Chorus – raunchy reprise + party chant FX]
🎵 ROLL A 69 — WHO NEEDS PLOT?
Booty like that rewrites the gods.
It’s Dungeons & Degenerates, full of sin,
And you don’t roll dice — you roll within.
🎵 ROLL A 69 — BATTLE’S DONE!
The elves tapped out, I tapped their buns.
It’s not a game — it’s prophecy,
When the Unholy One DMs your fantasy.
---
🧻 [Outro – sultry dice rattle + moans over lo-fi bass]
📜 “Thus ends the tavern tale…
The rebels came to fight.
But they rolled wrong.
And they rolled deep.”
🎲 Unholy One (laughing):
“Next session’s level 69.
Bring more thighs.” 😈
---
