Yo-yo

[intro]
I shouldn’t feel this way
This shouldn’t be happening
[verse]
That thought arrives first
Then another quickly follows
And inside the circle
The feelings start stacking
Annoyed yeah
Tired sure
Frustrated fine
Disgusted wait
And almost immediately
The verdict arrives:
I should be different
[pre-chorus]
The judgment doesn’t stay small
Oh no
It spirals
Rejection, hatred, shame
Each loop tightening
Until the center thought appears
[chorus]
I’m a bullshit person
Not I’m having a hard moment
Not this feeling hurts
But a whole identity
Built from a passing state
Fix it
Force it
Push it away
Like untangling a knot
By pulling harder
I’m a bullshit person
And I know that’s not true
But right now
It really feels like it
[verse]
Negativity goes physical
Like carrying a dead weight
Vision narrows
Movement goes automatic
Moving through the world
To distorted perceptions
That feel completely real
[music drops]
Maybe I just can’t hack it
On the Earth plane
[beat resumes]
[pre-chorus]
Entrapped in ignorance
A victim of circumstance
Powerless, hopeless, helpless
And at the center of the whole structure
Sits a small sun
Labeled Ego
My suffering
My failures
My misery
My very important needs
Everything pointing
Back to the same
Exhausting Center
Oh, to be human
[chorus]
I’m a bullshit person
Not I’m having a hard moment
Not this feeling hurts
But a whole identity
Built from a passing state
Fix it
Force it
Push it away
Like untangling a knot
By pulling harder
I’m a bullshit person
And I know that’s not true
But right now
It really feels like it
[bridge]
Can the shell break already
If the discomfort gets intense enough
Maybe it will crack something open
Maybe it’s not punishment
Maybe it’s pressure
[full silence — one breath]
I know the light is there
But something thick is in the way
[pause]
A dense fog
Not the absence of light
Just something keeping me
From perceiving it
[verse]
Lord please
If I am your yo-yo
Please flick your wrist
And bring me back
[chorus]
Underneath the spiral
Underneath all of it
There is a much simpler longing
To rest
To rest in the palm
Of something larger
For a moment
Or maybe
For eternity
[outro]
I shouldn’t feel this way
[pause]
And yet
Here I am
And that’s enough​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Experimental Indie electronic funk, drop beat, clear intimate female vocals, warm, deep somatic shift, crystalline, dark