What is it like now… bein’ me? I’m sure you’ve wondered I’ve seen your pretty head looking at me. What’s it like to wake up… and be meee… Is it a cooold… and haaauuunted… fairy-taaaale dreeeaaam? Am I ok or alright a minutes and seconds beam Or is it every mornin’ I’m fallin’, can’t hear my own screeeaam? Is it weeaaak… tears… shake… till my bones wanna breaaak…? You think I’m calm from the outside, but truthfully I bleed, Screamin’ on the inside — “…I don’t wanna die… I just wanna feel alivvve again…” So what’s it like? …Alright, I’ll stop lyin’. Here’s what it’s really like — a cold empty feelin’, bet you can relate, It’s depression — like a conversation turnin’ into a confession that crawls up my spine and doubles back as anxiety and depression. Nah, I’m messin’ — not poetic, not clever — more like a dark lesson pressin’ on my lungs, more like a suicidal-homicidal thought pattern wrestlin’ with my tongue. Not killin’ nobody — just killin’ the memories that won’t stay dead, the ghosts that live rent-free in the west-end of my head. He thought he was playin’ — but the echoes never quit, never bend — and I’m stuck with the rerun, again and again. It’s deeper than a vendetta, it’s a shadow I fed, It’s the rage of every moment that I never really said. It’s the punch that never landed but it bruises my chest, It’s the thought of gettin’ closure while I fight off the rest. It’s a mind full of storms that I can’t out-run, Every memory’s a bullet — and I’m holdin’ the gun. Every heartbeat cracks like it’s breakin’ the scene, Like I’m trapped in a rerun of a life that’s obscene. It’s the ache, it’s the shake, it’s the ice in my veins, It’s the tears that don’t fall ’cause they froze from the pain. It’s the scream in my throat I can’t get out clean, And the fear that I’m stuck in a permanent dream. (Fast rap) Ok now the cops stop listening here’s the truth you made me homicidal suicidal fear of losing my idol I can’t confess my dreams because I would locked up without you next to me so I’ll take the blame punishment myself in this life’s domain but in this life or the next I’ll find you heaven or hell and you might as well call me the devil because I’ll bring more hell I know god will gift me the chance to cause you pain I’ll die in this life just to meet you in another worlds sorrow and pains So im sucide I’m sucide I’m suicidal today and tmr I’ll wake and ad homicidal in my brain I feel like depression it makes my heart bleed but it’s a constant confession no one will see You took away my trust and love for a while and asked me to stay with you for alittle while. So to the army who hears me sing I’m suicidal but won’t ever tell you so I can get my degree To my therapist who said she wants the best for me I can’t even tell you my dreams a homocidale thought will be me in greens. And to my victim who robed me of this earths crime scene I’ll wait in hell patiently and then I’ll be free Do this is kinda where it’s like to be

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