I don't want to go to Bembridge Coast

🎵 "I Don't Want to Go to Bembridge Coast" 🎵

(By Country Gary)

(Verse 1)

I woke up this mornin’ with a feelin’ of dread,

Got my boots by the door, but I’d rather stay in bed.

They say "Get on the bus, you're the headline host!"

But I don't wanna go to Bembridge Coast.

(Verse 2)

Warners Hotel’s got my name on the sign,

But the thought of line dancin’ just ain't feelin’ fine.

Them pensioners stompin’ in orthopedic shoes,

Clappin’ off-beat to my heartbreakin’ blues.

(Chorus)

I don't wanna go to Bembridge Coast,

Don't care if they paid me more than most.

I’d trade that stage for my slippers and toast,

And a night with Columbo — that’s what I love most.

(Verse 3)

Clare packed my gear and my rhinestone hat,

Said, "Come on Gary, no time for that!"

But I stared at the telly, remote in my grip,

Thinkin’ 'bout Peter Falk on another crime trip.

(Bridge)

They can dance the cha-cha in the dining hall,

But I’d rather hear Colombo mumble “Just one more call.”

A cardigan, a mystery, a murder and a clue —

That’s the only gig I want to do!

(Final Chorus)

I don't wanna go to Bembridge Coast,

Even if they serve up a carvery roast.

So y’all enjoy the bingo, I’ll raise a ghost,

Of a cancelled show from the 70s I love most.

🎸 (Fade out)

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