I know I fucked up

I am sitting here trying to shake these damn withdraws!
Trying to find myself 
Mad at myself for all the pain I’ve caused
I need to get sober!
I need to admit myself!
All those nights I kept doing drugs just to feel numb inside just to over come all the pain I felt and all the hurt that I caused!
Trying not to feel anything or blame anyone but myself!
I knew I needed help, but I kept getting high!
I know I fucked up! I know I hurt all the people that love me! 
I know I need help and I know nobody can help me but myself!
I wanna be free, I wanna be the best mom I can be!
The sadness on my kids face when I promised them all the stuff I did and when I broke every single one that I made! I hurt my babies and I feel the pain of letting them down everyday! I’m sorry, I know I fucked up, I know I hurt you, I don’t blame you if you don’t forgive me but just know I love you!
I lied to everyone and told them I wasn’t doing drugs but I obviously was!
I can’t believe I got this low in life where all I did was lie to the ones I love so much!
I kept all my hurt and pain inside and just tried to forget it all by getting high and it never got better but I just kept getting fucked up!
All those night I would just sit in my room getting fucked up! 
I lost myself!
I lost all the times I could’ve spent making memories with my kids!
I woke up so many times with sweat dripping off of me like someone poured a bucket of water on me! 
I know god was looking out for me because I know I was supposed to OD those nights! But he said, it’s not your time!
I should’ve stopped then but I didn’t and I just got up and did another line! 
I didn’t want to feel the pain! 
I know I fucked up
I know I need help
I want to be free
I want to be drug free
Somebody please help me
I’ve smoked weed
I’ve popped pills
I’ve snorted coke
I’ve smoked heroin and 
I’ve done meth! 
Lord, I was close to death
But I have one more chance to make this life right!!
I want to be free 
I want to be drug free
Somebody please help me
I want to be away from this misery

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