”CHAINSMOKING DISASTER (Bazerak’s Version)”

Parody by Bazerak, menace extraordinaire

⸻

I’m a walking, talking, chainsmoking disaster,

Drink my liquor quicker, punch a problem even faster.

Got claws, got scars, got fists that dent the sky—

If Hell’s got laws?

Yeah, I break ’em just by passing by.

I start brawls with a handshake, make priests reconsider faith,

I scare bartenders sober, put fear in the human race.

I’m the chaos in your kitchen, I’m the shot you shouldn’t take—

And if I’m calm?

Run. That means something’s about to break.

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Got a little brother with horns, attitude, and fire breath,

Thinks he’s scary till he sneezes and burns curtains to their death.

He flirts like a disaster, trips over his own charm—

Kid could cause a national crisis

Just by raising one damn arm.

He says he’s the violation—

Boy, please, that’s cute.

You’re a pint-sized problem in expensive demon boots.

I love the kid, don’t get me wrong, he’s family till the end—

But if trouble has a father?

I’m that bastard.

He’s just my friend.

⸻

I’m a walking, talking violation,

Hell’s own complication.

If you need a bad idea—

I’m your inspiration.

You want peace? Wrong station.

You want chaos? Congratulations.

I’m the walking, talking, chainsmoking—

Demon’s worst temptation.

⸻

I once fought a giant kraken

Just to win a bet,

Then arm-wrestled its tentacle

And ain’t lost that match yet.

I’m the reason bars have rules like:

“No biting,” “No fire breath,”

“No drinking contests with Bazerak—

It’s insurance fraud and death.”

I gamble with my own bad luck,

And somehow always win—

Last Tuesday I got married

By mistake during a spin.

Woke up in the morning

With a ring and someone’s goat—

Don’t ask me what happened…

I honestly don’t know.

⸻

I’m a walking, talking violation,

Hell’s worst fascination.

Too big to fight, too drunk to run,

Too stubborn for damnation.

You want mercy? Wrong location.

You want trouble? Celebration.

I’m the walking, talking, chainsmoking—

King of complications.

⸻

Look, I love my brother.

He’s strong, he’s brave, he’s fire.

But between us two?

I’m the one Hell’s HR calls

“An unmanageable liability.”

And honestly?

Yeah. Good.

⸻

I’m hungover on purpose,

I wrestle angels for fun,

I smoke cigars so massive

They should legally be guns.

I once scared Death himself

Just by asking for a light—

He said “no” and ran away.

Damn right.

⸻

I’m a walking, talking violation,

Hell’s pure provocation.

You can jail me, fail me, ban me—

I call that a vacation.

And if you want salvation—

Go pray to some other nation.

’Cause I’m the walking, talking, chainsmoking—

Hell’s FINAL violation.

⸻

And if Izuku asks?

Yeah, kid—

You’re a menace…

But I’m the blueprint.