Tariffs, Tariffs

Trump:

> They think they're so clever, with their steel and their toys,

> Their gadgets and gizmos, their globalist joys!

> They ship all their products, at prices so low,

> But soon they'll discover, just where they must go!

>

(He gestures dramatically, a spotlight flashing on a pile of papers labeled "Tariffs")

> For I, the great Trump, with a stroke of my pen,

> Will teach them a lesson, again and again!

> A tariff, a tax, a magnificent fee,

> To bring all the money, right back here to me!

>

(Chorus, a chorus of shadowy figures echoing his words)

> Tariffs! Tariffs! A beautiful sound!

> Making those foreign folks, spin right around!

> Tariffs! Tariffs! They'll learn to obey,

> The might of America, and what I say!

>

Trump:

> Those factories humming, in lands far away,

> Producing their goods, day after day.

> They thought they were clever, they thought they were slick,

> But now they'll discover, my masterful trick!

>

(He rubs his hands together, a wicked grin spreading across his face)

> The prices will rise, oh, a glorious climb,

> And suddenly, fortunes, will all be mine!

> They'll beg and they'll plead, they'll cry and they'll moan,

> But I'll sit on my throne, all alone, on my throne!

>

(Chorus, louder and more menacing)

> Tariffs! Tariffs! A beautiful sound!

> Making those foreign folks, spin right around!

> Tariffs! Tariffs! They'll learn to obey,

> The might of America, and what I say!

>

(Music crescendos, then ends abruptly with a dramatic cymbal crash)

Trump:

> And then, everyone will say, "That Trump, he was right all along!"

>