Kid, It’s a Setup (But Darling, It’s Love)

Joe… this woman is trouble in heels.

She smiles at you through cigarette smoke,

Calls you her king—kid, that’s a joke.

A girl says “forever” in that velvet tone,

Next thing you know, your paycheck’s gone.

Joe, kid, it’s a setup, can’t you tell?

That lipstick’s paved with matrimonial hell—

Oh hush, Francis.

Joseph Q, don’t heed these men,

They lost at love and blame women since then.

They call it a trap, they call it a snare…

I simply want him in a nice armchair.

With tea at dawn and curtains of blue,

Perhaps a mortgage or children two…

Why call it doom or sinister art?

I only intend to capture his heart.

Joe, sweet Joe, come into my web,

Ignore these bachelors living on bread.

They fear devotion, they mock romance—

Come let me tighten destiny’s dance.

“Tighten”? Did she say tighten?

Joe, run.

Kid, she said “mortgage” by verse two flat,

That right there oughta tell you where you’re at.

And what if I want him hopelessly mine?

To feed him pasta and pour him wine?

To kiss his brow while plotting… a bit—

That doesn’t make me villainous, does it?

[Frank:] She wants your freedom!

[Her:] I want his weekends!

[Frank:] She spins a web!

[Her:] It’s called commitment!

[Frank:] Joe, flee the city!

[Her:] Joe, bring a suitcase!

[Frank:] Joe, kid, it’s a setup—

[Her:] Joe, darling, it’s love—

[Frank:] She’s a black widow—

[Her:] I fit like a glove—

And Joseph Q stands trembling there,

Between a fedora and raven hair!

[Frank:] Kid, choose liberty.

[Her:] Choose passion.

[Frank:] Choose the highway.

[Her:] Choose the honeymoon suite.

…Can I think about it?

[Her:] Joseph… come to the web.

[Frank]: Joe… head for Nevada.

[Dean:] Somebody hide the boy.