[Spoken]
Lights! Brass! Somebody stop that woman—
Joe, baby, you’re dancing too close to catastrophe!
[Verse 1]
Met a femme fatale in a leopard stole,
She winked one time and she captured his soul.
Said, “Come to my web, sugar, don’t be late…”
Joe nearly cha-cha’d into a second date.
She moved like danger in satin shoes,
A man like Joe’s got too much to lose.
I said, Son, romance is a risky room,
Especially when she perfumes the doom.
[Chorus]
Joseph Q, don’t cha-cha into doom!
That girl may turn your bachelor pad to a honeymoon tomb.
When she says forever with a dangerous grin,
Kid, moonwalk backwards—don’t let love in!
[Spoken]
Hit it, boys!
He thinks it’s passion—
I think it’s paperwork!
[Verse 2]
She said, “Sweet Joe, ignore those fools,
Love needs vows and dining room stools…”
Dining room stools? Joe, hear that clue?
She’s decorating a future involving you!
She’s got silk and strategy, lipstick and law,
A kiss like velvet, a prenup claw.
Son, she’s gorgeous, I won’t pretend—
But some slow dances never end.
[Chorus]
Joseph Q, don’t cha-cha into doom!
She’ll have you picking curtains by tomorrow afternoon!
When she says darling with predator grace,
Backflip, Joe—get outta that place!
[Break – patter]
She wants devotion!
She wants commitment!
She wants… matching towels!
[Tap-break section]
Tip-tap trouble, click-clack fate,
Joe keeps dancing straight toward the gate.
Left foot panic, right foot flee—
Shuffle off to bachelor liberty!
[Horn Solo Break]
[Trumpet blasts, sax trading lines, trombone punches]
[Spoken over hits]
Hold it—hold it—give me eight bars for panic!
Ba-da! [trumpet stab]
[Sax slithers like the black widow’s theme…]
[Trombone answers like Joe stumbling backward…]
[Then the whole brass section erupts.]
[Call and response]
[Sammy:] Who’s got Joe?
[Brass:] Not for long!
Sammy: Who’s got doom?
[Brass:] She does! She does!
[Tap + horn riff]
Da-da DAH-da-da!
[tap break]
Da-da DAH-da-da!
[wild trumpet run]
[Spoken]
Joe, if she starts slow dancing—RUN!
[Verse 3]
Now I admit she’s a marvelous sight,
A five-alarm angel in candlelight.
And if doom wore heels—I’d call her class…
But Joe, don’t volunteer to be trapped.
[Big Final Chorus]
Joseph Q, don’t cha-cha into doom!
Love may smell like roses but it rents out rooms.
If she says “Come into my web,” don’t grin—
Spin, Joe, spin before she pulls you in!
[Final vamp]
Joe, sidestep matrimony!
Duck the bouquet!
Jazz hands your way to freedom!
[Spoken outro]
Joe…
You can outdance rhythm—
You cannot outdance matrimony.
[Band hit]
Somebody hide the boy!
ElCeviche
