I Lost You for Being a Coward

I still dream of your scent on my torn shirt,

I wake up and search for you in the sheet that no longer warms.

I want to look into your eyes and tear my throat apart

telling you I love you while I kneel in the storm.

I clung to the past like someone clinging to the edge,

I let the years cut my hands,

and the mere idea of not being your destiny

turned me into a walking corpse inside for years.[Pre-chorus]

I was afraid and stayed silent,

I hid like a thief from my own life,

I preferred to invent an ending without goodbye

than to risk you telling me you were no longer mine.

Your smile was my religion and I profaned it,

your eyes my sky and I myself extinguished them.

When you sang, you only looked at me

and now I sing alone and no one looks at me like that.

That song that was ours

is the knife I slowly stab myself with every night

to keep feeling that something of yours touches me.

When I cried, you were the only port,

you dried my tears with your velvet voice,

you stayed until I fell asleep dead

and left me alive only to die again the next day.

You took my hand so many times

and I never squeezed hard

for fear that you'd discover

I trembled from loving you until it hurt.

And now I pay with blood for every second of silence,

I live repeating your name like a prayer that does no good.

I lost you for being a coward, I lost you for being a child,

I lost you and I'm still here pretending to breathe.[Final Chorus – almost breathless]

Let me scream that I never stopped loving you,

even if you now have another hand to dry your tears.

Let me tell you that I die every night

remembering how I let you go because I didn't know how to hold you.

This distance that I myself marked

is the wound that will never close,

because I opened it with my own hands

the day I was afraid of losing you

and ended up losing you forever.

I miss you…

I miss you…

I miss you so much

that I no longer have voice

or life

or anything left.

Forgive me.

Or forget me.

But don't let me keep

living dead.