Miss you

I get so excited hearing chimes on my phone 
(I carry it less now that I'm not alone.) 
When I realize it's ringing I dash for my room
Remembering your promise to call me quite soon.

But it's not you. It hasn't been, promises or not.
I dream that you're busy and simply forgot. 
My eyes glisten over: I see you and the girls... 
Another grandchild to love with smiles and soft curls...

But only through Facebook can I follow your life... 
I don't know of your plans - will she be your wife? 
I'm sure I deserve this, being tossed from your heart
But I believed in your promise to make a fresh start.

I'm confused and quite baffled; heartbroken as well. 
I know that quite often I put you through hell
With decisions and choices that all seemed so wrong. 
But I make no excuses. I sing no sad song. 

I should have known better - been stronger - did more- 
But I can't turn the clock to way back to before
My decisions impacted more than just me
I can't comprehend how I just couldn't see. 

Perhaps I believed that our love was so strong 
That you would forgive me for what I did wrong. 
I won't make excuses or try to explain
All the trouble I caused, and of course, all the pain. 

But I will say I'm sorry and beg you to forgive 
And try to move forward from the pain that you lived. 
And especially I beg that you understand 
None of the pain that I caused you was planned.

I am your Mommy - I always will be! 
Please give me the chance to help you to see
That through all the shit of years that have passed 
My encompassing love is all that should last. 

Please know I'll never dismiss all your pain. 
I just pray that my Baby will love me again!

Atmospheric Soundtrack with Epic Percussion and Tension-Building Strings, blues, soul