Im fucking fat

Your ass is huge, well mine's a tank

Just watch your mouth or I'll fucking sit on you, shank

The word is out, better bring the snacks

'Cause I'm the goddamn king of heart attacks!

Ham on, ham on, ham on whole wheat, fuck yeah

Extra cheese, large fries, don't need no defeat

My sweatpants ripped, my belt just snapped

I'm too much man for this chair to handle, jack!

The floorboards scream when I walk around

I've got more chins than a Chinese buffet downtown

When I sit around the house, I really sit around the house

Call the fire department, 'cause this couch is fucked!

'Cause I'm fat, I'm fat, come on (fucking fat!)

You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it (goddamn fat!)

I'm fat, I'm fat, come on you know (really, really, hilariously fat!)

Don't you call me chunky, husky, or stout

Just tell me once again... who's the fattest motherfucker now?

I take up seven rows at the movie show

People climb over me like I'm Mount Fucking Dough

My shadow weighs a solid eighty pounds

When I block the sun, whole neighborhoods shut down

I ate the whole menu at the all-you-can-eat

Manager cried, said "Sir, please show some mercy, jeez!"

I ordered DoorDash for my DoorDash guy

He quit on the spot, now he's on life support, why?

My doctor said "Lose weight or you're gonna die"

I said "Doc, pass the bacon, and supersize that lie!"

I got love handles bigger than my damn thighs

When I wear stripes, I look like a circus tent in disguise

'Cause I'm fat, I'm fat, shamone (fucking fat!)

You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it (stupid fat!)

I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it you know (planet-sized, goddamn fat!)

Whew... hand me that bucket of chicken... nah, the other one... yeah, the family size...

(burp that shakes the windows)

When I go to the beach, they charge me by the ton

Lifeguards scream "Tsunami!" when I try to have fun

I don't need a belt, gravity gave up on me

My belly's got its own zip code and a 401k

'Cause I'm fat, I'm fat, come on (legendarily fat!)

You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it (viral fat!)

I'm fat, I'm fat, come on you know (absolutely, unapologetically, deliciously fat!)

Don't you call me pudgy, portly or stout

Just tell the whole damn internet... WHO'S FAT?!