I’m sorry mama

Dear mama,
	Cold wind in my hair, the streets filled with laughter from children up and down the road. I hear nothing, but yelling, and screaming about all the things that upset you most nobody else. I seen you become happy without my bio dad in the picture, and it fed the hate I had in my heart, as I sat, and watched my dad fight the biggest demons inside alone. Palms sweaty, dark eye bags, dad took care of us every time mama ran to another man. My dad grew stronger than I’d ever seen him, and at the same time he was breaking on the brink of an edge. 

	My big sister comes into the room at night “Daddy where’s mommy?” Dad said “She be home soon”, and I watched as that night he rocked my big sister to sleep, and cried. All our lives we’ve only felt the pain enough to ask “What’s wrong with me” instead of “Why me”. Mama why did you tare our family apart when that’s all we’ve ever wanted was a father, and a mother to love each other enough to push past the bad together. Daddy tried to keep us out of it, but you made it impossible. 

	I remember the fight just like it was yesterday, mommy pushed me into a window. I’m screaming MAMA NO! She goes to kick my father, and big sister gets right in the middle of it all. Mama, wants to fight, and daddy wants closure. The next thing I remember was kissing you goodbye, and giving you a hug, and you saying “none of it is our fault”. Then it lead to my mother throwing our bags in the trunk, and we moved away. I won’t forget screaming for my dad every mile we drove away. Not knowing that night we were forced to leave the only man that loved us would become a much darker future.

Chapter2 : Fear
	Dear mama,
	In another house in another town, it feels even colder than before. Drug addicts selling dope on every corner they could take over. Cross dresser walking in my backyard dropping balloons filled with cocaine, neighbors nocking again because her boyfriend beat her real bad. A white man telling me he’s gonna take over my father’s place not knowing that in our hearts he’ll never be erased. Why did you do this mama this pain it hurts so fucking much it’s too much for a 2 year old, but enough to understand that my mom cheated at the game of life just to get what she wanted. As I’m growing up in this house with a man that’s a narcissist the yelling, screaming, and just constant fear is how I grew up. 


	One day mama sat us down, and blamed it on my father, and I could never look at her the same after. She’d choose her own happiness over us her own kids. Just to get somebody that wants to promise her the world that my father already gave her. She was too selfish to see it, so she threw it all away for a man that would spend the next 18 years of torturing her children while making her smile. I hope he made you feel all the things my daddy couldn’t. I hope you it was worth ripping 3 small hearts apart in the shadow of the dark.

	Bubba told me one day he wanted my sister, and I to live with him, and take us away from 

rap