[Verse 1]
My girl’s been acting kinda strange
Ever since she bought that book
Now she’s smiling at her Kindle
Got that look
I ask her if she wants some dinner
She says “Just one more page”
Three hours later she’s still reading
And I’m jealous of a man who doesn’t age
[Pre-Chorus]
I pay the mortgage
Walk the dog
Take the bins out every week
But apparently that’s nothing
Compared to a prince with cheekbones and a tragic history
[Chorus]
How am I supposed to compete
With a six-foot-five immortal king?
He’s got magic
I’ve got back pain
This doesn’t seem fair to me
He’s riding dragons
I’m mowing lawns
He’s saving kingdoms in the night
And somehow I’m losing
To a man who doesn’t even exist in real life
[Verse 2]
Last week she called me by his name
She swears it was a slip
I nearly got dumped by chapter twenty
And a shirtless guy on page six
Apparently he smells like cedar
And rain and mystery
I smell like barbecue shapes
And whatever’s in the garage honestly
[Pre-Chorus]
I’ve got a job
I’ve got a car
He’s got wings and emotional intelligence
[Chorus]
How am I supposed to compete
With a tattooed warrior prince?
He communicates
He listens well
I’m lucky if I get hints
He’s obsessed for five hundred years
I’ve forgotten anniversaries
And somehow she’s surprised
I’m feeling slightly threatened by fantasy
[Bridge]
The man’s not real
The man’s not real
I keep repeating to myself
But she’s kicking her feet
Reading chapter forty-three
While I question my entire self-worth
[Final Chorus]
How am I supposed to compete
With every BookTok boyfriend alive?
The kings
The fae
The dragon riders
Are destroying average guys
So if your girl reads fantasy
And she’s suddenly hard to impress
Just remember
You’re not competing with another man
You’re competing with a woman
Who wrote him to be perfect
And honestly…
None of us stood a chance.
[Outro]
Babe…
If he ever becomes real
I’m cooked.
Marine26
