Forgive Me

Laying here, tears in my eyes. Head filling up with lies, can't rely, on myself, on anything. Mom asks why I think this way. She gives me praise and I brush it off, even when she says I have the most tender heart. Same when Dad was happy how I handled my brother, for helping him out and not kicking him out, my family gets excited to see me, but when I look in the mirror I have a different feeling. My self worth is low, self esteem is lower, I give myself the cold shoulder. Worth of souls is great in the eyes of Heavenly Father, I've gotten myself into this mental state because of my spiritual lackness, my bad decisions, my bad ideas, things I have agency over and still did anyways, I feel no escape, only slight happiness, when I should be looking at the bigger picture. Spiralling, out of control, even in the bedroom of my own home, I feel alone, but I'm not alone, I have all the support, even more, than I think I have, but I just turn my back, and I ignore, things I know are good for, me.