[Cold Open β TV Announcer]
"From the distant recycling moon of Sigma IX... one unlikely hero has returned! Armed with a wheelie bin, impossible promises, and just enough common sense to confuse everybody..."
[Jet engines roar.]
[Electric guitar.]
[Synth countdown.]
[Verse 1]
There's trouble brewing down in old Britannia,
Everyone's arguing on the telly again!
Promises flying faster than a rocket,
Who's gonna sort this parliamentary mess?
Then from the stars comes a clattering hero,
Helmet polished with a council-bin shine.
He's got a manifesto full of mischief,
And impeccable rubbish collection time!
[Pre-Chorus]
π΅ He's not left...
He's not right...
He's somewhere up in outer space tonight!
[Chorus]
π΅ COUNT BINFACE!
He's here again!
Saving us from boring politicians!
COUNT BINFACE!
Raise the lid!
Making Westminster slightly less ridiculous!
Ninety-nine Flakes should cost ninety-nine pence!
[That sounds fair!]
If you dump sewage...
Take a swim yourself!
[Seems only fair!]
COUNT BINFACE!
Flying high!
Across the great British sky! π΅
[Big brass sting.]
[Verse 2]
Election posters line the high street,
Everyone says they've got the plan.
Then a spaceship blocks the traffic,
Driven by a very unusual man.
Meanwhile Nigel's out campaigning,
Talking to the crowds once more.
Binface waves from flying rubbish,
Hovering just above the seafront shore.
One wears a suit,
One wears a wheelie bin,
Both are hoping they can win.
One says, "Trust me!"
One says, "Greetings!"
Only one arrived by rocket ship!
[Instrumental Break]
[Electric guitar solo.]
[Brass section answers.]
[Space laser sound.]
[Verse 3]
He's debated Prime Ministers,
Mayors, MPs and local folk.
Half the country loves the laughter,
Half are trying not to choke.
Manifestos made of mischief,
Jokes that land with perfect aim.
Sometimes laughter tells the truth,
Even when it's wrapped in games.
[Villain Chorus]
π΅ Spin and slogans,
Polls and charts,
Everyone's performing parts!
Talking louder,
Talking fast,
Who'll make promises that last?
Then across the evening skyline,
Comes a bin with rocket flame!
Everybody knows the chorusβ
COUNT BINFACE is back again! π΅
[Cartoon Chase]
"Catch him!"
"You catch him!"
"He's parked on the Palace roof!"
"Again?!"
[Kazoo solo.]
[Police siren.]
[Spaceship whoosh.]
[Final Chorus]
π΅ COUNT BINFACE!
Lift the lid!
Saturday mornings just got bigger!
COUNT BINFACE!
Never quits!
Always ready with another zinger!
Whether blue,
Or red,
Or somewhere out beyond the Moonβ
Laugh together...
Think together...
Read the leaflet...
Choose your future...
Don't forget your sense of humour!
COUNT BINFACE!
COUNT BINFACE!
COUNT BINFAAAAAAAACE!!
[Massive orchestra.]
[Children's choir.]
[Fireworks.]
[End Credits]
Announcer:
"Next time... Count Binface battles potholes, parking meters... and the mysterious Planet Bureaucracy!"
π΅ "Same Bin-time... Same Bin-channel!" π΅
Drnick55
