Disgraced

I am in the hunting phase looking for a place where I can bring grace at a fast pace my lifestyle requires me to work a full time job but am outta luck and getting no response yuck my life's a shambles I shouldn't have made the mistakes I made or I would still be getting paid my life's laid out I am stressed out and wondering how I am going to feed and support my family.

I need to get into the swing and get access to the brain so I can prevent anymore pain I know I am disgraced this comes at a fast pace I just need space to configure my emotions so I can get myself rolling with the motions I need to get employed or am going to the end up on the streets or even into the weakest version of myself this isn't a question I need this to come forward so I can move towards the brighter days.

I feel worthless and I am absolutely useless I can't get used to this as I am laying in my own stupid shit I need to switch up the script so I can write the scroll but being unemployed has taken its toll on me i am just FUCKING stupid I have had many wonderful opportunities but I keep blowing them I keep jumping for new intentions this is my minds invention.

I can't blame my head because truth be said it is actually me making the mistakes and not actually making the break that will refine me I feel divine but am stuck in the grape vine feeling trapped and looking towards this crap that's landed on my lap I just need to snap out this cycle to start mapping out my lifestyle.

My working life has been wonderful and I hate that I have lost so many opportunities that have been handed to me because I can't seem to stay straight I always look to break away and fall under the spell of the necromancer and when I am asked I have no awnser BECAUSE I am just prancing through life thinking everything will be alright but when situations arise my fists get tight and I start to get spiteful and delightful this is an insight to my life when it comes to holding down a job.

I rely on the ones around me am obsessed with things being handed to me I blame the up bringing for this one G every time I lost the key I always had someone to save me now am going solo and fucking things up which isn't applaudable I am just waddleing through life focusing on my life in the wrong way cos I say to myself there will always be someone to help me.

Well look at me now sitting sparked out through my one fucking stupidity am breaking inside and no one can see and I try to explain but i am just so vein I wish I could step up and stop FUCKING UP my life is crammed and rammed with emails in my spam aiming to succeed in the employment relm but my CV isn't great I don't look reliable and employer's will see that and sign me out.

Why did I let this subdue me

Why did this happen to me

Ohh I see cos a fucking failure

I am fucking idiot

I need to buck up and stop Fucking up.