The Story of Depression

The truth about depression,

in every form and under every name.

It is a life-long battle.

I have lived in this neighborhood for decades now,

I have traveled this road many, many times.

I've also had to watch others travel it.

I know this road well,

every turn, every hill, every dip, every slippery spot.

I have memorized all the speed limits and the caution signs.

I have an entire memory of all the faces I have seen

and all the people I have met along the way.

I have known those who only waded in the waters near the shore,

and I have known those who have been swept away and drowned.

I know how the journey starts,

and I know where it leads.

I've experienced the miracles that are often required to get turned around before it's too late.

I've seen what happens when a miracle doesn't happen in time.

I have felt the joy and the relief of being saved at the last minute

when you're barely hanging on.

I have also witnessed and felt the pain of losing someone who wasn't saved in time.

I have traveled this journey with a friend

and I have traveled it alone.

I know what it feels like to cry so hard and so long that all your tears dry up,

and even though you still feel the need to cry,

no more tears flow.

I have felt the physical pain so severe,

and for so long

that your brain shuts down

and you don't feel anything anymore.

I have been through the process:

first, the nausea,

then the vomiting until your body has nothing left to expel,

next, the dry heaves until your body is so exhausted

it can't even do that anymore.

I know the pain of being shattered

into so many pieces

that the pieces are now too small to break again.

I know the temporary relief that occurs at this point

because you know there is nothing left,

it can't get any harder.

I know how this book will end. Either this is the time I don't get turned around,

my miracle doesn't happen this time.

My angel, whoever they may be,

isn't there to grab my hand

or

this is not the last time I'll travel down this road.

It's the nature of the beast. Eventually,

I will have to come this way again.