SHRAPNEL

The house is standing, but the air is gone.

I’m bracing for the sting of a lonely dawn.

I see the ghost of the way you used to fucking look at me,

Before I turned our garden into a cemetery.

It’s not just a wound, it’s a hole in the sky,

And I’m the one who didn’t even say goodbye.

The sadness isn’t fucking liquid, it’s lead in my lungs,

The bitter taste of salt and blood on my tongue.

And the walls are closing in.

And the panic starts to bloom.

I’m trapped with the memory of you in the room.

It’s coming... the fever... the heat of the fire!

God, I’m sorry for the shrapnel that I buried in your heart!

I’m the reason that we’re tearing at the seams and falling apart!

I’m a riot in the silence, I’m a panic in the fucking dark,

And I’m praying for a flood just to put out the spark!

It’s the heartache, the hollow, the hunger, the heat,

I’m the sound of my own soul in the moment of defeat!

Now the anxiety is screaming at the base of my skull.

A jagged edge of sharp in a world that’s gone dull.

Every "why" is a hammer, every "how" is a stone,

I’m terrified of being in this wreckage alone.

Then the rage turns inward, it’s a red-hot blade,

I want to burn the map of every choice I ever made!

The anger is a shield, it’s a desperate defense,

Because the pain of what I’ve done is getting too intense!

I’m running from the truth!

I’m running from the stain!

I’m trying to find the exit through the hurricane of pain!

God, I’m sorry for the shrapnel that I buried in your heart!

I’m the reason that we’re tearing at the seams and falling apart!

I’m a riot in the silence, I’m a panic in the fucking dark,

And I’m praying for a flood just to put out the spark!

It’s the heartache, the hollow, the hunger, the heat,

I’m the sound of my own soul in the moment of defeat!

I didn’t mean to break you.

I didn’t mean to stay.

I’m just a broken thing that got in the way.

I HATE WHO I AM WHEN I CAN’T KEEP YOU SAFE!

I’M THE THIEF!

I’M THE GHOST!

I’M THE ONE WHO HURT YOU MOST!

DEPRESSION.

THE SILENCE.

THE WEIGHT OF THE COST IS MY ONLY ALLIANCE!

PANIC!

HURT!

I’M BEGGING FOR THE LIGHT!

I’M DROWNING IN THE MIDDLE OF A SELF-MADE NIGHT!

God, I’m sorry for the shrapnel that I buried in your heart!

I’m the reason that we’re tearing at the seams and falling apart!

I’m a riot in the silence, I’m a panic in the fucking dark,

And I’m praying for a flood just to put out the spark!

It’s the heartache, the hollow, the hunger, the heat,

I’m the sound of my own soul in the moment of defeat!

I’m so tired of the hurting.

I’m so tired of the pain.

Just let the dark wash away my name.

I’m sorry.

I love you.

I’m sorry.