“Don’t Let Devon Ride With Me: Part 2 (Still Creepin’)”
By: The Square Cow Crew
[Intro – Joe (EXHAUSTED)]
He’s back…
Truck 35 fired up this morning.
Dispatch said, “You got Devon again.”
I said, “…I’d rather move furniture with my teeth.”
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[Hook – All (collective trauma in unison)]
Don’t let Devon ride with me!
Why he bringin’ candles to job 3B?!
Don’t let Devon ride with me!
Said “It’s casual Friday”—wore leather capris!
Don’t let Devon ride with me!
He hummed R&B while I lifted a sink!
Don’t let Devon ride with me…
He called a dolly “baby” and gave it a wink!
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[Verse 1 – Dillon (paranoid as hell)]
He showed up eatin’ yogurt… with no spoon.
Said, “You like Greek?” I left the room.
He tied down straps in a heart-shaped knot,
I blinked twice—he said, “Ooh, you hot.”
He labeled the client “daddy of three,”
But he circled the “daddy”—what that mean for me?!
I said, “Don’t touch the throw pillows, bro,”
He said, “Too late… I already know.”
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[Verse 2 – Ethan (shell-shocked)]
He asked, “If I was a box… would you wrap me tight?”
I said, “Devon, please get outta my sight.”
He whispered to the fridge, “They never appreciate me,”
And rubbed the handle like it’s therapy.
He had a playlist called “Cozy Cow Grooves”
All Barry White and Fifty Shades moves.
I texted dispatch “I need a lifeline,”
They said, “Too late… you ridin’ till 9.”
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[Bridge – Brandon (tired of HR not pickin’ up)]
Y’all thought part one was wild?
He brought a blanket…
And a toothbrush.
To a six-hour local.
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[Hook – Crew in Full Panic Mode]
Don’t let Devon ride with me!
He brought a velvet vest and herbal tea!
Don’t let Devon ride with me!
He said, “I only sweat for intimacy!”
Don’t let Devon ride with me!
He tried to name our dolly “Anastasia B.”
Don’t let Devon ride with me…
He asked the client if they “believe in destiny!”
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[Verse 3 – Joe (fully done)]
I told him, “Back me up,” he said “With what… my love?”
I dropped my clipboard and looked straight above.
He drew hearts in the padding with a permanent marker,
Said, “Let’s move slow, like scenes gettin’ darker…”
I’m just here to move boxes and get my pay,
He’s actin’ like he’s auditionin’ for Broadway.
If I hear “mmm” one more damn time,
I’m filing restrainin’ orders in rhyme.
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[Outro – All (sick of this sh*t)]
He’s in Truck 35, breathin’ like a storm,
Sayin’ “You lift with passion… I can feel your form.”
Nope. Nope. I’m out. That’s the end of me—
Next job with Devon? I’ll fake a knee.
⸻
[Final Hook – Loud, Fast, and Desperate]
Don’t let Devon ride with me!
Get this man off my route, let me be free!
Don’t let Devon ride with me!
He makin’ therapy seem like a damn RV!
Don’t let Devon ride with me…
Or I’m movin’ MYSELF outta Square Cow, clean.
KennyT69
