Don’t Let Devon Eat With Me

“Don’t Let Devon Eat With Me”

Genre: Country-Rap Comedy

By: The Crew (Joe, Dillon, Brandon, Paul)

Theme: Devon’s eating habits are so bizarre, disturbing, and chaotic, nobody wants to share a meal with him ever again

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We tried bunkin’ with him.

We tried ridin’ with him.

Now we sittin’ at Denny’s… and I swear I saw him pour mustard on his ice cream.

This man should be studied.

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We pulled up to lunch, just tryna unwind,

Devon brought sardines and a pickle brine.

Asked the waitress if she had “raw goat meat,”

Then dipped fries in syrup with his bare-ass feet.

He chews like a goat but moans like a cow,

Talkin’ ‘bout “flavor waves hittin’ me now.”

Tried to barter his gum for my wings,

Then burped the Star-Spangled Banner, deadass, no strings.

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Don’t let Devon eat with me,

He orders dessert before iced tea.

Blends ketchup with milk and toast,

Calls it his “breakfast ghost.”

Chews loud, talks wild, stares at bread—

Said the croissant was talkin’ in his head.

Yo, don’t let Devon eat with me!

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He brought hot sauce to a sushi place,

Dumped it all on a slice of cake.

Tried to eat wasabi with a straw,

Then screamed “MY THIRD EYE’S RAW!”

Used a pancake as a napkin, bro,

Then folded it up and called it “dough to-go.”

Snuck behind the bar, yelled “Mixologist time!”

Then poured Dr. Pepper in a glass of lime.

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Don’t let Devon eat with me,

He licks the plate like it’s therapy.

Peels eggs with a fork and knife,

Tried to tip the waiter with a flashlight light.

Slurps water like he’s chuggin’ tea,

Then asks the waitress if she’s gluten-free.

Yeah, don’t let Devon eat with me!

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He poured honey on ribs and jelly beans,

Said, “This is what royalty eats in dreams.”

Spilled soup down his shirt, said, “I meant that part,”

Then sniffed a napkin like a fine art.

Asked the chef if the steak had “trauma,”

Then whispered prayers to his shrimp korma.

Bit into a lemon like it was cake,

Then offered to trade it for a half-eaten steak.

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Don’t let Devon eat with me,

He brought a blender to Applebee’s.

Tried to cook bacon on a candle flame,

Called the waitress “Mother Flame.”

He sniffs the menu like a lover’s note,

And dips spaghetti in root beer floats.

God, don’t let Devon eat with me!