Verse 1:
It’s already hard sometimes… when you’re living a lonely life
Then you bring home a monkey and a chicken one night
Thought they’d be sweet, maybe somethin’ to adore
Now I got feathers in my sheets and scratch marks on my door
Chorus:
It’s hard sometimes—yeah, I should have just got a cat. I couldn't choose just one pussy and now look where I'm at.
My chicken’s gettin’ choked—my monkey’s gettin’ spanked
Just chokin' and spankin' got no money in the bank.
Verse 2:
That chicken starts cluckin’ 'fore the crack of dawn
Struttin’ like it owns me, like I’m just IT'S pawn
Flappin’, squawkin’, peckin’ at my pride
So I grabbed it by the neck and took it for a ride
Chorus:
It’s hard sometimes—yeah, life don’t make much sense
That chicken’s gettin’ choked—the monkey’s gettin’ spanked
It’s hard sometimes—when your pets turn into pests
But I ain’t losin’ sleep, I just deal with it best
Verse 3:
Now the monkey’s in the kitchen, swingin’ on the fan
Wearing nothin’ but my boxers and a master plan
Grinnin’ like a sinner, tail curled up tight
I said, “You want attention? I’ll give it to you right.”
Chorus:
It’s hard sometimes—yeah, life don’t make much sense
That chicken’s gettin’ choked—the monkey’s gettin’ spanked
It’s hard sometimes—when your pets turn into pests
But I ain’t losin’ sleep, I just deal with it best
Bridge:
Ain’t no handbook for beasts like these
You just grit your teeth and bring ‘em to their knees
Love ‘em, spank ‘em, roast ‘em or scold
But don’t let ‘em run wild, or your nights get cold
Chorus:
It’s hard sometimes—when you’re livin’ this solitary life
That chicken’s gettin’ choked—the monkey’s gettin’ spanked tonight
It’s hard sometimes—when I wake up stand tall
Feathers are flyin', fur stickin’ to the wall
Outro (spoken, dirty and slow):
Yeah…
Feathers flyin’, tails cryin’...
I told ‘em once, I told ‘em twice…
You wake me up with that hard, throbbing shit again—
You're chicken ass is gettin' choked… and your monkey ass is gettin' spanked.