[Verse 1]
The weather in that house changed without warning
Some nights he was soft, crying at the table
Some nights he was something I ran from
I learned the difference in his footsteps
before I learned to read
I was the funny one
because funny kept him close enough to love
and far enough to survive
[Pre-Chorus]
I watched my mother’s face to know if we were safe
I watched his hands to know which night this was
I was small and I was already working
so hard, to keep everyone standing
[Chorus]
You did your best
and your best wasn’t good enough
That hurts sometimes
and I’m okay
You had a wall around whatever was left of you
I could love you my whole life and never get in
You did your best
I’m still here anyway
[Verse 2]
I found my own way to leave a room
without ever leaving the room
Put it down when I wanted to be someone’s mother
more than I wanted to disappear
You got softer after I got sober
not for me — I was already grown —
but for him, this boy without his father
You held him like the parts of you that could still open
had been saving themselves for this
[Pre-Chorus 2]
I taught my son to sit inside the hard feeling
He was gentler with himself at two
than you ever were with you
[Bridge]
Near the end your body kept panicking
and you didn’t know that’s what it was
I sat next to you and said you’re okay, you’re okay
this will pass, I promise you it will pass
You asked how I always knew what you needed
before you knew it yourself
I said, I wasn’t guessing
I’ve been watching you my whole life
I’m just glad you finally let me see
[Spoken]
“If it doesn’t work out, you can always come home.”
[Outro]
I found out about my second
two days before I lost you
I gave him your name to carry
not the wound — just the name
I think you can see clearly now
wherever you are
no walls, nothing closed
just you, finally able to receive it —
all the love
I never stopped having for you
AlchemistEthereal252
