Lonely in a Crowd

In a crowded room, I'm just a ghost,

Searching for a spark, but I feel like I’m lost.

The smiles around me feel like a masquerade,

Wondering if kindness is just a façade.

Might be autistic, maybe socially inept,

Reading signals wrong, leave me feeling upset.

She laughed at my joke, was it genuine cheer?

Or just the polite nods, like smoke in the atmosphere?

Should I take a leap, act on a whim?

Or hide in my shell, watch the chances grow dim?

Years later, clarity in the rearview glass,

Thinking of the moments that could've come to pass.

I’m a loner by heart, but it’s not by choice,

In a world of chatter, I’m losing my voice.

Jumping from groups, feeling so disattached,

Fifty faces smiling, yet none that matched.

Behind a mask of laughter, I wear my disguise,

Hiding all my struggles behind painted eyes.

Searching for serotonin, where's the key to unlock?

These hollow moments echo, ticking like a clock.

Half an hour hanging, I feel like a ghost,

Everyone knows my name, but they don't know me the most.

Trying to be social, but it's draining my soul,

Like a jigsaw puzzle with pieces that won't hold.

Should I take a leap, just follow my heart?

Or stay in the shadows, let loneliness start?

Memories fade out, lost in yesterday's dreams,

A bittersweet symphony, unraveling at the seams.

I’m a loner by heart, but it’s not by choice,

In a world of chatter, I’m losing my voice.

Jumping from groups, feeling so disattached,

Fifty faces smiling, yet none that matched.

So here I stand, searching for connection,

In a crowd of shadows, seeking reflection.

With every missed chance, I hope to transcend,

Maybe one day, I’ll find a true friend.