🎧 [Intro – warbled synth + fake weatherman voice]
🌡️ “Today’s forecast:
Unit’s frozen. House is bakin’.
Man’s cookin’. Balls… boilin’.”
🎤 "Dear AC...
Why you betray me like this?"
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🎤 [Verse 1 – gummy heatwave funk]
It’s 95 out, 105 in,
I’m sweatin’ through my boxers, cursed by freon sin.
The AC's a popsicle, stuck in a coma,
Meanwhile I’m out here melting like a sad emoji sona. 😭🍦
Fan’s blowin’ air like a sleepy whisper,
Ice in the coil like a Disney sister.
I’m yellin’ at vents like “DO SOMETHIN’, PLEASE!”
But the only thing chillin’ is the antifreeze.
---
🎵 [Chorus – gummy scream & lo-fi burn]
🔥 HOT HOUSE, COLD HEART —
My AC’s frozen but I’m fallin’ apart.
🔥 SWEATIN’ — in my own damn stew,
Brain’s boiled down to a barbecue goo.
🎶 "Ooooh… frozen guts but I’m roastin’ up top!"
This heat got me makin’ soup in my Crocs.
🎶 "Yeeah… I’m crisp, I’m cooked, I’m gone,"
My thermostat’s laughin' like "suffer on."
---
🎤 [Verse 2 – burnt gummy rap]
Got a glacier hangin’ in my AC core,
While I’m stickin’ to the couch like I’m part of the floor.
Tried to fix it with a butter knife and hope,
Now my eyebrows gone and I smell like smoke.
Wrote a haiku in pure despair:
“AC died. I cried.
My soul slid down my back thighs.” 💦
Even the fridge gave up its cool,
Now it’s just me… and my meat sweatin' pool.
---
🎵 [Bridge – melting piano keys + gummy moan FX]
🎵 I'm a hot dumpling with no shade,
🎵 Frozen unit like a heatwave grenade.
🎵 Why's the coldest thing in here… my rage?
🎵 Burnin’ alive… in my sweat cage.
---
🎤 [Final Chorus – funky meltdown]
🔥 HOT HOUSE — I CAN’T ESCAPE!
Even the soap’s just tryin’ to evaporate.
🔥 COLD UNIT — YOU FROSTY TRAITOR,
Turned my home into Satan’s inhalator.
🎶 "Oooooh… it’s a sauna with betrayal frost,"
My summer sanity is officially lost.
🎶 "Yeeeah… I’m broiled, foiled, grillin’ to dust,"
This AC’s frozen… and I combust. 💀🔥
---
🎧 [Outro – fan hum & sizzling static]
Narrator (barely breathing):
“And so he wrote…
Balls steamin’… thighs screamin’…
A man. A unit.
A house… on hell mode.”
---
