Fentanyl Ferrets & Percocet ‘Possums

Well I saw a dude in a poncho hat,

Said “I’m half methican, imagine that!”

He had two teeth and a Mountain Dew,

Rappin’ ‘bout a cartel barbecue.

Oh the fentanyl ferrets, they sneak in your socks,

Runnin' wild through the trailer parks and paradox.

Percocet possums in a dumpster band,

Playin’ spoons and high-fivin’ with their little weird hands.

Betty’s got a vape with a glowin’ blue tip,

She says, “It’s just weed,” but her eye did a flip.

Carl walks sideways like a crab in boots,

Mumbling something ‘bout “space lawyers in suits.”

They walk like the cops ain’t got a clue,

Staggerin' proud in a Waffle House queue.

They shoplift snacks with ninja stealth,

Then post it online with their real name and health.

Yeah the fentanyl ferrets, chew through your brain,

Livin’ in your attic snortin’ propane.

Percocet possums got a TikTok dance,

Went viral in jail, now they tour in France.

Now Jimmy tried bath salts “just for fun,”

Woke up married to a ceiling fan in Tucson.

Said, “I don’t do drugs,” with a wink and a nod,

Then snorted crushed Flintstones off the back of his iPod.

Oh the fentanyl ferrets and their crime raccoon pals,

Host a rave every night in suburban canals.

Percocet possums rollin’ deep in a van,

With a bumper sticker sayin’ “Catch me if you can!”

So if you see someone struttin’ like a fried-out sage,

With a parrot that swears and a scooter of rage—

Just smile, nod, and don’t be mean…

They’re the stars of the local pharmacy scene.