Breathe in breathe out.
A simple task, subconscious they say, but it seems a tedious chore today.
Every day is the never the same, but it mirrors itself in such a strange way.
I’m happy but sad, empty but full, I’m as sharp as a tack but often the fool.
I laugh when cry and cry when I laugh, I’ll even have my shower sitting in the bath.
A problem so small but normal to most, to me is a cliff edge without a safety post.
A problem thats huge to the person next door, I can handle with ease, like there is no problem at all.
None of these moments are specific to time, I’m on a roller coaster, lifting hands up as it climbs.
I hold myself so differently, than others seem to like, that’s ok, they’re not me, watch me soar as I take flight.
Day by day I set my targets , or an itty bitty goal, it really depends if I wake on a high, or lost in a shitty dark hole.
My highs can be productive, makes easy to live right, and my lows can cost me dearly, and quite often cause me fright.
I try to see things clearly, but subconscious will defeat, I’ve been told to help my consciousness stop falling at its feet.
B is for the borderline that i will always be, this different mirror image that no one really sees.
P represents personality, one that I’ve perfected, to get me through the times when I felt I wasn’t protected.
D is for disorder, that word means so many things. Not only to the doctor but the life I have lived in.
Then there is the c, PTand the SD… don’t even get me started on what that means for me.
Just know that I am fragile, when it comes to being strong, and remember I don’t feel safe, in the places that I belong.
So if you see me shifting, just slowly say my name, remind me that you’re with me, and that will always be the same.
If I don’t listen please don’t scream and shout, just hold me tighter and tell me… just breathe in and then breathe out.
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