Verse 1
Harry rolled up, cucumber in hand,
Thought he’d light it up and be the man.
Wrapped that green beast in some sparkler tape,
Said, “This baby’s gonna make the ground shake!”
Flicked the flame, took a sip of Jack,
Next thing you know—his dick’s gone kaput and cracked.
🎇 Pre-Chorus
Pop, sizzle, oh f*ck, wham!
His sexy salad shot off like a damn fireman.
Neighbors screamed, “What the hell was that?!”
Harry’s yellin’, “Where’s my cucumber at?!”
💥 Chorus
Boom boom bye bye, there goes the cuke,
Fourth of July turned his junk to a fluke.
Stars and stripes burned on his thighs,
Barbecue laughs and drunken cries.
Call the doc, no plumber this time—
Harry just lost his favorite veggie crime.
Firework’s wild, flying high and free,
That cucumber took a detour, you see.
🍑 Verse 2
Neighbors shotguns, beers in the air,
Harry’s limpin’ with no damn care.
Says, “I wanted freedom to bang and play,
But now my pickle’s blown away.”
Grill smoke mixed with gunpowder stink,
Googling “prosthetic cucumbers,” on the brink.
Jenny laughs, “Here, use this zucchini—
Clean it first, don’t be so teeny.”
🥒 PSA Bridge (spoken, silly but serious)
“Listen up, kids — don’t be a Harry,
Strap TNT to your dick? That’s just scary.
Fireworks belong way up in the sky,
And cucumbers? In salads — not your thigh.
Have fun, party hard, but don’t be dumb,
Or you’ll end up hurt, and that’s no fun.”
(guitar riff + distant eagle screech)
💥 Final Chorus
Boom boom bye bye, say farewell to the cuke,
Fireworks won, and Harry got f*cked.
Freedom rang loud, but his junk took flight,
Straight past Granny’s grill in the night.
Cussin’, flussin’, wrapped up tight,
Sings, “God bless America… and my plight.”
Crowd yells “Yikes!” as sparks ignite,
Harry’s down a veggie, but still owns the night.
🚑 Outro (half-spoken, half-sung)
♫ “Toss your salad, keep your veggies neat,
But keep fireworks off your meat!
Next year, I’ll stick to safer thrills—
Like charcoal grills and Netflix chills.” ♫
(firework whistle → loud boom → kazoo riff → fade)
