Holy Mess

Have you ever been all alone in your room with nothing to do? Do you ever wonder what your life will be and it seems like it won’t get no better than this? If this is all I am then I wonder what kind of value that I have because as I look in the mirror I don’t love whats looking back at me. All the dreams that I had ran out; I’m empty! Even without cuts I still bleed, smiles all around but their hate, it screams. All the pity and degrading towards me, how can I be sad but my reflections smiling.

R.I.P. to D.P., we first met on fb and smoking weed. Now I’m hearing your mother cry while your kid looks at me. I turn around because i cannot run but I cannot let this get to me. Dear LORD please take this away from me…. But here I am and there’ll he’ll be, losing bro was losing a part of me, but long live the memories. But theres still a heavy fear with me; if only this is where it ends, why not just turn off? If you’re like me your whole life you been pissed on, gave all I had did all I could but still treated like child who’s misunderstood. I hear them say, he cant find his way, but do what we can do what we should but really that man has got to go. My biggest dream is to have a house far away so I can be alone, but right now I’m jobless and sis paying for the phone, what I use for hygiene thank GOD I own, got maybe 3 pairs of clothes, while the car I owned sits collecting dust even after signing it over to my folks. Life ain’t easy and life ain’t fair but in the grand scheme of things theres nothing better to compare, unless you know of the one who descended heaven’s stairs. He came down, lived amongst the poorest and gave them new life; even corrected the hearts of the people and healed the blind. But the LORD my GOD is known for his greatest choice, he came down here and payed the bill but sent no invoice. YESHUA gave up his life but resurrected after 3 days. GOD’s the type to never have a full house and adopts all strays. I say this cause despite not knowing where I might live I still consider myself saved. I use to complain about nothing but how things have changed, I have reason after reason but my mouth behaves. I truly believe that the LORD saves, I came from eating only bread and peanut butter, no any kind of noodles cause no micro wave and my head’s two feet from the water heater, saw my ex has kid now, I hope her man loves her. I miss all my people who flown away, down and buried away; I’m like a pot with missing wholes because the pieces crumbled away, nothing to tell the world I existed except pictures and the grave. But through all this I remain, Bible read, and I still pray. May the LORD forgive for me for all my sins but I remember 1:6 Philippians. Jeremiah 29:11 and the fact of who JESUS is, I may fall but I get up, so I’m not worried about no dividends. May the LORD’s will be done in world and with this I say Amen.