Unseen

I am just a girl who is always afraid of her own shadow and never as strong as you believe
A girl who never makes eye contact in the event you will see ever scar that covers every inch of me
A girl who is afraid of the people in the room because …..I really just quite don’t fit in
But did I tell you I was pregnant

Did I tell you I was pregnant with 4 demons that roam through my womb
Like serpeant’s in charge of my temple
Devouring my womb like parasites that feed on my ovaries
But did I tell you I was pregnant

I was pregnant with the of anger of a child’s innocence that was taken too soon
It courses through my womb….. empty
exciting me to hate my hair, my voice, my skin, my gender 
because it reminds me that I am the very reflection 
of the woman whom breathed life to me
(Pause, Breathe, don’t let them see)

Did I tell you I was with an anxiety that chose how and who I will talk to
I want to be this …social butterfly 
but the serpent calls my very name that everyone is going to crush you, demoralize you with just one “HEY”
She’s the greatest voice I never had
She reminds me that I am always alone and no one really cares they just
Check THAT GOD DAMN BLOCK because I’m hated by everyone but no one says it actually to me. See she’s that controlling but did I tell you I was pregnant. 

Did I tell you I was pregnant with the pride that’s often mistaken for ego of a woman that is always accused of being disrespectful. The pride that cripples my very voice even when I’m screaming for help because She just can’t let me go. Because help would mean that her power is stripped and the fear of leaving her is beyond compare because I’m my mind, the prison of my mind...she’s the my longest relationship I’ve ever had and when others fail she is the only one I can depend on.. pause breathe, don’t crash.. but did I tell you I was pregnant.

Did I tell you I was pregnant with depression so crushing that even on my happiest days she reminds me don’t get to happy because your not worth it. She crushes my emotion, stripping any joy, spins my world to realization that I’m constantly alone. She’s like this tick sucking all the happiness to be felt because to her it is evident that I’m a baby killer, worst friend, worst leader, worst wife, ain’t  shit ain’t goin to never be shit but broken... pause breathe.. but did I tell you I was pregnant. 

I’m just a girl who is always afraid .
A girl who never really fits in and is always reminded of my scars by the very serpents that I carries in her womb...they say the eyes are the windows to soul but if my eye are always closed how I can expect you to see my soul but it mainly Because I never trusted you enough to tell you I’m pregnant. 

Rnb, female