[Intro – Elvis, spoken]
Well now…
She met you online, and you looked like a dream…
But the Lord says… sometimes dreams got filters on ‘em.
Thank you… thank you very much.
(Choir softly behind him)
Mm-hmm… yes Lord…
[Verse 1 – Elvis lead, choir echoing lines]
Well she met you on TikTok, under neon light
You said “I’m Hollywood baby, I’m your jackpot tonight”
(Choir: “Jackpot… or jack fake…”)
You had charm like a spotlight, smooth like velvet and sin
But your “movie star” credits… never once checked in
Then you leaned right in close with a digital grin
Said “Baby, just a small loan… and we both gonna win”
(Choir: “Uh uh… not again…”)
[Chorus – big call and response]
You ain’t nothin’ but a catfish!
(Choir: “CATFISH!”)
Swimmin’ in a liar’s sea
You ain’t nothin’ but a catfish!
(Choir: “Lord have mercy!”)
Tryin’ to steal a heart for free
she said “I’m gonna marry Joseph”
But you only wanted cash
You ain’t nothin’ but a catfish, baby
And that love went SPLASH!
(Choir: “SPLAAAASH!”)
(Elvis ad-lib)
Somebody say “verified badge!”
(Choir: “AMEN!”)
Well you didn’t have one…
[Verse 2 – more rhythmic, choir getting sassier]
You said “I starred in westerns, I rode with famous kings”
Had a mansion in the desert, diamond everything
(Choir: “Where’s the tax return though?”)
But your private jet kept stallin’ every time she asked for proof
Funny how success don’t show up in a single screenshot truth
And every time she doubted, you'd say “baby just believe”
(Choir: “We don’t!”)
Like faith could fund a future built on digital decieve
[Chorus – louder, crowd clapping, choir half laughing now]
You ain’t nothin’ but a catfish!
(Choir: “OH NO HE DIDN’T!”)
Fake pearls on a borrowed line
You ain’t nothin’ but a catfish!
(Choir: “We SEE YOU!”)
Tryin’ to steal a heart that ain’t yours to sign
You said you were a movie star
But you were just a phishing mask
You ain’t nothin’ but a catfish, baby
And she ended that task
(Choir: “CLICK—BLOCKED!”)
[Bridge – slows down, gospel becomes serious, then judgmental]
Elvis (soft):
Well now… she asked you… “Is any of it real?”
Choir (low, solemn):
No… no… no…
Elvis:
And the truth came back like a slow train rollin’ in…
Choir (building):
Li-ar… li-ar… li-ar…
[Final Chorus – full Vegas explosion, choir fully roasting him now]
You ain’t nothin’ but a catfish!
(Choir: “GONE FISHIN’ FOR LIES!”)
Swimmin’ where the lonely scroll
You ain’t nothin’ but a catfish!
(Choir: “OH NO SIR!”)
Tryin’ to harvest heart and soul
You said you were a movie star
But you were just a tangled hook
You ain’t nothin’ but a catfish, baby…
And she closed that message book
(Choir: “BOOK CLOSED!”)
[Outro – Elvis walking off, choir keeps going]
Elvis:
Well… let that be a lesson, folks…
If love comes with an invoice… it ain’t love…
Choir (chanting as fade-out):
Block him… block him… block him…
Report… report… report…
Thank you… thank you very much.
ElCeviche
