So Many Times

When I’d see you it was so hard to look away, now when I see you it hurts my eyes keep your gaze, to feel the hate and the disdain surging right into my brain, the absence in the day cold shoulder at night looking at your face through the high beam truck headlights…

I pissed you off so many times

I made you sad so many times

I let you down so many times

You lost your smile so many times

I made you frown so many times

Yelled and screamed so many times

Killed your dreams so many times

The distance between us is not just on the map, even in the same bed there’s more than a gap, don’t talk don’t love all we know is how to pick a fight, shut up and fuck off, you ruined my life, so I do now your mad I’m not home with my wife, how do you tell the one you love most in this whole world, I’d give it all to be with you and that little girl

I ran to hide so many times

I felt the hate so many times

Found peace in others so many times

Made you wonder so many times

I heard your words so many times

I felt the guilt so many times

I didn’t learn so many times

your words cut me deep and I have little hope I survive, I could take em all day from any other girl or guy, from your mouth these words just don’t hit the same, every ones a kill shot and you have perfect aim. I started this pain I set the anger in motion, now to even reach you I have to swim across an ocean….you run from me pulling with you our daughter, while im screaming out and I’m bleeding out, in shark infested waters.

Say you hate so many times

Say you regret so many times

Ruin your life so many times

Wish I died so many times

You’d be better off so many times

Say I’m lost so many times

Shut up fuck off so many times

So many times I come to and open my eyes, why didn’t she break, damn, so many times…as I’m watching you go my eyes bloodshot and my heart and soul are hate, I haven’t given you a reason I’m worth your time to stay. I haven’t given you a reason to even hit the breaks.

We had it all so many times

I dropped the ball so many times

You fought for us so many times

Me not at all so many times

So I decide so many times

To do right so many times

On a path back to love so many times

Didn’t see that truck so many times