Waiting and Wishing

Verse 1

I quit sleeping through the night

Started counting cracks instead

Every hour felt like morning

Every sunrise felt a thousand pounds

I cried until my eyes were swollen

Learned concealer like a friend

Smiled at everyone at work...

Then fell apart again.

Pre-Chorus

Some days I won...

By getting out of bed.

Chorus

I was so busy trying not to lose you...

I forgot who I was becoming.

Somewhere between waiting and wishing...

I stopped recognizing me.

I had to rip myself away

Even when I begged to stay

You were never holding onto me...

I was holding onto you.

Verse 2

My alarm became a warning

That I'd have to face another day

I'd stand beside my bed for twenty minutes...

Trying to convince my feet to move.

I mailed one last goodbye letter...

"I'm excited for what's ahead."

I wished you everything you dreamed...

Even though I couldn't breathe.

Pre-Chorus

Healing wasn't finding someone new.

It was waking up...

And choosing not to run back to you.

Chorus

I was so busy trying not to lose you...

I forgot who I was becoming.

Somewhere between waiting and wishing...

I stopped recognizing me.

I had to rip myself away

Piece by bleeding piece each day

You were never holding onto me...

I was holding onto you.

Verse 3

I brushed my teeth because I had to

Ate because somebody asked

Called that surviving...

'Cause living felt too hard to ask.

One day I laughed without thinking...

Then cried because I did.

I didn't know that healing...

Could feel like guilt instead.

Bridge

If letting go were easy...

I'd have done it years ago.

You didn't break me...

The day you left.

You broke me...

Every day...

I kept waiting.

I didn't lose my mind...

All at once.

I lost it...

One memory...

At a time.

Every picture.

Every song.

Every place we used to stand.

I dragged my own heart...

Screaming...

Across broken glass.

Every step felt like dying.

Every step...

Kept me alive.

(Everything drops out.)

That's what I meant...

When I said...

"I went psychotic..."

"...when you loved her."

Final Chorus

I was so busy trying not to lose you...

I forgot who I was becoming.

Somewhere between waiting and wishing...

I finally found me again.

I had to rip myself away

Piece by piece and day by day

You were never holding onto me...

I was holding onto you.

No...

Walking away wasn't the miracle.

The miracle...

Was finding the girl...

Who survived...

Letting you go.

(Softly)

I wrote...

"I'm excited for what's ahead."

...

Now...

I finally am.