I can’t pretend — it all started at ten
No father figure, mama did what she can
Dad actin’ Stevie, blind to the pain
Stepmom’s hands left marks in my brain
Introduce the deaf young — 2011 begun
Couldn’t enjoy grandma’s birthday — worst day, I was numb
Said goodbye to my best friend, funeral unattended
Domino effect, every scar just extended
Growing up feeling labeled defective
Suicidal thoughts — imagination neglected
Searching for a hero, mama met “Batman”
But that introduction led me to a madman
Eminem blasting, that anthem my therapy
Rolling to school with Betsy, rap became clarity
Built me a fallacy just to escape reality
Military route ’cause my grades lacked validity
Little did I know the foundation was cracking
One wrong step and the whole world collapsing
I’m screaming but nobody hears me
Bleeding but nobody sees
I’m breathing but barely living
Trapped in my memories
If I fall will they catch me?
If I call will they care?
I’m fighting a war in my head
And nobody’s there
What’s wrong Russell
When I close my eyes
I can feel the thickness of the blood again
I can feel the percussion of the shot
I can hear his racing thoughts
My friend you’re not making any sense
You’re truly sick, look at the evidence
Please pick up the fucking phone
Maybe then you would’ve known
How much I need you
I still see your lifeless body in my dreams
Now my wife wakes up to my screams
Wear your name on my wrist
I wish it didn’t come to this
Constantly calling the veteran crisis line
Help is offered but declined
Man I’m losing my fucking mind
And I’m contemplating suicide
Seems like everything is do or die
Living life looking over my shoulder for a threat that ain’t there
Can’t leave the fucking house because of this fear
Kids running to mommy, something’s wrong with daddy
It’s okay baby just go to your room
Now I have weekly meetings
About my psychosis and my major depressive episodes
Just another PTSD veteran
Don’t help him — just feed him medicine
I’m screaming but nobody hears me
Bleeding but nobody sees
I’m breathing but barely living
Trapped in my memories
If I fall will they catch me?
If I call will they care?
I’m fighting a war in my head
And nobody’s there