Boy to a Man

I have to explain there is a man in me that's both that young boy I used to be open minded free of any troubling thoughts inside while wearing his heart on his sleeve and laughing all the time that smile on his face never not there and then there is the older colder changed version of the man he slowly came to become that still loves and never ever let's go of those thinfs he feels deserves his love all the same as he jokes half hearted not quite as relaxed and at peace in his soul its been weathered and its endured things I never expected life would bring it to face and not be able to take instead or shattered him to pieces leaving him with so much regret and reflecting on decisions he had sometimes made that in deep reflecting on the why and how it all came to become ever since teachings his heart it has to grow to become both used to pains like betrayal and the deep heartaches from guilt of mistakes he wants to be given the chance to remake and while he can't he knows he can't allow himself to forget the way it feels sitting on this mountain peakof isolated silence meditating on all the gathered feelings causing him such mental misery that doesn't mean he isn't able to embrace what if it means to be strong I find myself to be quite able to take alot more than I ever expected to have to embrace as I wrestle moments Im surprised I managed to take and not break fall apart after waves of battles passed me by some dark nights of internal warfare in weak moments I thought I was OK to try to take letting go of my tough thick skin and solid stance I have typically taught to me by having seen my dad when I was young never once have a tear slide down his face except for two moments I can understand it was the day his best friend passed away in his arms and the other on the day he got the call his mother was no longer here with us that's all I've seen to make him not ok otherwise life was unable to break his will and he stayed a good damn man taking every day the same working hard non stop 80 hours just a light work week but it was a choice he made to keep going never once complaining just being the dad and husband he knew was needed from him for me and my mom to have the best life possible to have that's decades of happiness and hard work without once being mad sad or tired just like him I've grown to know how to just keep walking into the storm no matter how hard the weather tries to wear me down I am in fact at peace as if I was in a garden full of peace despite some days revealing im in a constant war surrounded by enemies and traps of all kinds I just hope to show you how life can hurt and be hard on you but its still able to also be ok and happiness is something possible to have just do your best. Never stop walking into the fights as you continue to climb up the steep path before your eyes trust me unless you stop or turn around in time everyone will reach the peak of the mountains no matter how high. 

Blues, rap