Crying About It

I used to walk in rooms and know why I came

Now I freeze in the doorway, blank mind, blank name

I used to hold thoughts like water in my hands

Now they slip right through like they’re scared of who I am

And everybody says, “You’re strong, you’ll rise”

But they don’t see the storm sitting heavy in my eyes

They don’t know the nights I whisper, “Lord, don’t let me drown”

’Cause the ground keeps shifting every time I turn around

I’m losing pieces of myself I can’t retrieve

And the ones who should’ve held me were the first to leave

So I lean on the only One who’s never walked away

Even when my mind betrays me, He stays

So I cry about it

Yeah, I cry about it

When the father I needed is gone from this earth

And the brothers I love are two thousand miles worth

And the man who vowed to guard me became the wound that hurt

So I cry about it

But God’s the One who stands around it

If breaking down is all I’ve got left

Then I’ll cry about it

Cry about it

I had a life once — a marriage, a plan

A future laid out like lines in the sand

But the tide came in, washed it all away

Left me praying for a soul who could see through the gray

Not to rescue me, not to fix my pain

Just to stand in the truth with me when I can’t explain

Someone steady, someone honest, someone who won’t run

While God does the healing only God gets done

I ain’t worthless, though the mirror tries to lie

And the trauma in my body keeps asking why

But I hear Him say, “Child, I’m still your guide

Even when the world you trusted breaks from the inside.”

So I cry about it

Yeah, I cry about it

’Cause losing your mind is a grief you feel slow

And losing your life is a truth you don’t show

But God is the shelter when there’s nowhere else to go

So I cry about it

Let the tears fall where the truth is loudest

If all I can do is breathe and break

Then I’ll cry about it

Cry about it

Till the pieces start to wake

I’m still here

Held by the One who never leaves

I’m still here

And maybe that’s the victory