Not Me

I’ve been in my head all day

Running laps on the same old blame

Every look feels one step off

Like I showed up and took too much

I say “I’m fine” too fast

But my chest stays clenched like glass

Watching them get picked, get held

I stand there quiet, by myself

And it hits so hard

When the room says “mine”

And I’m still outside

Staring at the line

Not me, not me

That’s what it feels like

Not me, not me

Left out of the light

I want to matter too

I want a place to land

Not me, not me

But I’m still reaching your hand

I hate how small I get

When the thoughts start talking shit

Tell me I’m a weight to carry

Tell me I’m too much to keep

I read too deep, I miss the cue

Then I blame my heart for breaking through

Everybody else gets “yours”

And I’m just standing at the door

And it hits so hard

When the room says “mine”

And I’m still outside

Staring at the line

Not me, not me

That’s what it feels like

Not me, not me

Left out of the light

I want to matter too

I want a place to land

Not me, not me

But I’m still reaching your hand

Maybe I’m not a burden

Maybe I’m just bruised

Maybe all this fear in me

Is louder than the truth

Say it back to me

Slow and plain

I don’t have to earn

A soft place to stay

Not me, not me

That’s what it feels like

Not me, not me

Left out of the light

I want to matter too

I want a place to land

Not me, not me

But I’m still reaching your hand

Not me, not me

Please don’t let me fade

Not me, not me

I’m here, I’m here, I’m made