Faded Childhood

“mm… hide… fall back… shh… don’t breathe…”

soft breathing…

“it’s just me… again…”

(“fade… mm… fade…”)

I grew up quiet, too afraid to cry,

learning danger by the way they sighed.

Hands too rough, voices sharp like knives,

I shrank myself smaller to survive.

(“small… so small… oh…”)

Nights I prayed the floorboards wouldn’t creak,

held my breath until I couldn’t speak.

I learned to smile before the pain,

masking fear like it was sane.

(“pretend… mm… pretend…”)

I screamed inside, but silence won,

so I stitched a smile and told no one.

Every bruise became a hidden part,

every hurt tucked deep in my heart.

(“mm… hide it… hide…”)

I shouldn’t be this good at wearing a mask —

hiding the trembling, perfecting the act.

I wanna disappear, slip into the night,

blend with the shadows, out of sight.

Lost in the dark where the truth won’t show,

I vanish, vanish… no one will know.

(“disappear… mm… fade away…”)

Bathroom tiles cold beneath my skin,

washing off the places they had been.

Trying to clean the fear they left,

but water can’t fill what childhood wrecked.

(“can’t wash… oh… can’t wash…”)

I learned to laugh with shaking hands,

to look okay on command.

A practiced grin, a steady breath —

performing calm to hide the depth.

(“smile… mm… smile…”)

I screamed inside, but no one stayed,

just shadows where safety should’ve been made.

I told myself I’d grow up strong,

but strength built on pretending feels so wrong.

(“wrong… so wrong…”)

I shouldn’t be this good at wearing a mask —

trained by chaos to never crack.

I wanna disappear, fade into the night,

hide the truth from every light.

Lost in the dark where the quiet grows,

I vanish, vanish… only I know.

(“fade… mm… disappear…”)

Numb again, floating in grey,

my younger self still asking, “why’d they stay?”

No warmth, no light… just ache,

I’m gone, I’m gone… bones still shake.

(“gone… gone… oh… fade…”)

I shouldn’t be this good at wearing a mask —

childhood scripted me for the task.

I wanna disappear, slip into the night,

no one sees me… I dim the light.

Lost in the dark where the hurt won’t go,

I vanish, vanish… no one will know…

(“disappear… fade… disappear… mm… mm…”)